When someone whips out a camera it’s time to suck it in, baby. Eye the trigger finger and pull in when they push down. After all, maybe there’s a six pack under that stained and baggy T-shirt. I mean, we have no reason to suspect a jiggly bowl of jelly belly or...
#703 Scoring the perfect patch of clean grass to sit on at the park
Here’s how to find that magic grass: 1. Dampness Double-Check. Nobody likes a wet bottom. Keep your backside dry by spying classic signs like slightly dipped areas that pool water or permanently shaded patches that don’t dry up. May also be worth tapping the ground to check with...
#704 Peeling off the price tag without any sticky shredded paper left on the thing
Have you ever waged a quiet, ten-minute war against a stubborn price tag? You know how it is: Slapped on the side of a souvenir, stuck to the bottom of a vase, you spot the sticker and start peeling it off with your fingers. But then it quickly tears and you hold a sad little scrap in your...
#705 When you’re sitting in the back of a packed car and the driver turns really fast
Time to get squished. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Facebook — The post #705 When you’re sitting in the back of a packed car and the driver turns really fast appeared first on 1000 Awesome...
#706 That moment at a concert when the crowd all figures out what song the band is playing
Sweaty crowds in sticky shirts scream and scramble for better views between songs. Drums kick boom and guitars get tuned just before the bright lights flip up and flick on. Everyone slides forward on the beer-slicked floor and as the first notes kick in we all catch our breath. AWESOME! Photo...
#707 Ripping off the tag and wearing what you just bought out of the store
Sometimes those old, ratty sandals need to get buried. When sidewalk steps rattle your spine and walking to the store gives you severe Blackfoot, it’s time to go shopping. Next time you slide on that fresh new pair in the store, just pause for a second and look wistfully at the broken,...
#708 Jumping down as many stairs as possible
Racing up staircases or jumping down them gives you that I’m-in-a-rush rush. Handrails play helper as you leap on stage as the quick-zipping star of the show. Here’s how to make the magic happen. Okay, if you’re going up, two of the classiest moves include: 1. Roboto Man....
#709 Waking up to the smell of bacon sizzling downstairs
Lazing around in crumpled sheets, sun streaking through the blinds, your eyes slowly blink open and your lips curl into a slow smile. You make some deep, grunting noises as you twist your back and stretch your neck. You smile and enjoy the soft and slow process of waking up after sleeping in...
#710 When little babies let out giant burps
The kids, they love The Jonas Brothers. When the pop group visited Toronto a few weeks back you would walk down the street and notice anxious little pods of teenagers circling around their hair-stylists and drum tuners. Or maybe people were crowding an actual brother in the flesh. I...
#711 Getting home so late the newspaper is already at the front porch
It doesn’t matter whether you’re on clean up duty at your niece’s wedding reception, throwing in for a third poker tournament with the boys, trying to defeat every level of Bubble Bobble, or last to get dropped off after the bachelorette party downtown. All that matters is if...
#712 The satisfying feeling of emptying the trash bin on your computer
As old school assignments, half-downloaded mp3s, and duplicate photos crumple and disappear from your hard drive, you settle back into your office chair, slap your hands together, and smile at finishing up The World’s Easiest Chore. AWESOME! Illustration from: here — Check out my...
#713 Getting into the shower right at the perfect temperature
Spin the dial to the left and you’re drowning under a frozen glacier waterfall. Spin it to the right and you’re stinging under some sharp second degree burns. We all know your perfect temperature lies somewhere between these dangerous extremes so every time you strip down to scrub...
#714 Flipping channels during the commercial break and then flipping back just as the show’s coming ...
You played a risky game, friend. But you made it. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #714 Flipping channels during the commercial break and then flipping back just as the show’s coming back on appeared first on 1000 Awesome...
#715 Looking at how much dirt came off that disgusting thing you just cleaned
My apartment looks over a busy downtown intersection. Shredded bird feathers, swirling dust funnels, and car exhaust fumes cover my balcony in a thick layer of city grime. If you come over and go out there, I’ll tell you to put shoes on or suffer shocking sockicide. Don’t believe...
#716 Rubbing someone’s freshly shaved head
Feel the buzz and rub that fuzz. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #716 Rubbing someone’s freshly shaved head appeared first on 1000 Awesome...
#717 Sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out of them
Home temperature is important. Head in the freezer, hands in the oven, whatever your move, just make it. Pick a temp, baby, then bake it. Pump up the thermostat, bang on the rad, or crank up the air. If you’re hot, ditch the sweats, if you’re cold, slip on slippers. Home...
#718 When you sneeze and someone you’ve never talked to before says “Bless you!”
Warm Sunday dinners with family, late nights drinking with friends, studying with a group in your basement. All of these are high odds scenes for scoring a blessing after you sneeze. Chances are good that if you explode in a loud bang of spit and phlegm at the dinner table, at least one of...
#719 Shoving handfuls of popcorn in your mouth and spilling it everywhere
Get a move on. Hot popcorn isn’t going to be hot forever. It’s time to chow down by stuffing big, spilly handfuls of salty buttery goodness in your mouth as fast as you can. Because hey, popcorn’s the perfect snack for non-stop shoving. Silverware isn’t needed and a...
#720 The final few seconds of untangling a really tight knot
I don’t know how to tie my shoes. I know, I know, it’s terrible, it’s embarrassing, but I seriously can’t tie my shoes the way most people do. I just — my fingers don’t slide the right way. When I try the loop-around-and-pull-through move I end up with a...
#721 Drinking anything through that little hole in the coffee stirrer
My sister and I took skating lessons when we were kids. For years my parents drove us down to the rusty old arena around the corner on Sunday nights. Cheap coffee, chilled sweat, and change room mold lingered in the air as we laced up our skates between other two-foot tall kids in big swishy...
#722 Watching old people jump around doing exercises in the pool
Speedos snapped on and earplugs pushed in, old folks dip into the local pool for a cardio session on water. And if you happen to catch a glimpse of the jumping jacks and karate kicks or happen to be in the game yourself, then you know how fun it is to see all the wet perms, dripping glasses,...
#723 Seeing a huge tree and remembering how small it was a long time ago
I was at my parent’s house this weekend and holy smokes. The three tiny evergreens out the back window have now bloomed into thirty-foot monsters shading half the backyard. Driving by your old school, visiting relatives you haven’t seen in a while, or just walking around the...
#724 Finally placing the last piece in the jigsaw puzzle
I don’t have the patience for puzzles. If I’m hanging out at your house late at night and someone walks into the room shaking a big 500-piece box with a cover photo of a gray boulder balanced on a gray cliff, then I’m not having it. Okay, I might help you find the corner...
#725 When the light turns green just as you’re driving up to the intersection
Engines revving, drivers idling, traffic lights flash red and stall the scene. Then just as you’re pulling up and about to slow down everything suddenly flicks to green. Now you’re pounding the gas and zooming right through the intersection in a blurry blaze. Fellow drivers start...
#726 Eating the part of the cookie soaked through with milk at the bottom of the glass
Finishing your snack with a bite of cookie leaves a nice sweetmouth feeling but clogs your molars with sugar-paste and practically begs for something to wash it all down. Then again, finishing with a big swig of milk rinses away the delicious flavor-saving chocolate chip fillings you’ve...
#727 Letting go of the gas pump perfectly
I hate $19.98. When I’m pumping my car full of that sweet-smelling black gold, I get tense when I’m two cents away from a nice, round number. Maybe I’ve got a twenty dollar bill in my pocket or maybe I’m throwing it on a credit card. Either way, I just can’t be...
#728 Making your own action figure fight scenes
When I was a kid and played with He-Man guys or Transformers, there was always a time when the scale of whatever war I was waging grew beyond the number of figures I had from that set. This meant that I had to throw in other guys to pad the numbers to make sure everything was just fine. For...
#729 Driving under a bridge when it’s pouring rain and hearing a brief one second of silence
Your windshield wipers have no idea what’s going on as you enjoy your blissful two seconds of silence. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #729 Driving under a bridge when it’s pouring rain and hearing a brief one second of silence appeared first...
#730 When the baby’s poo-smelling diaper actually has no poo in it
Changing diapers is not awesome. In fact, it’s probably something you’d find over on 1000 Annoying Things, that non-existent netherlist we mentioned before which also features #998 When you realize you’re out of deodorant as you’re putting it on, #997 Forgetting your...
#731 Finding a little treasure chest of personal emails in your inbox
A fresh batch of personal emails is like a little basket of gold to start your day. Grandkids telling you about their day at school, blurry photos attached from last night’s party, your mom asking what you want for your birthday, and dirty inside jokes between your closest friends are...
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