#183 Sleep lines Aug11

#183 Sleep lines

Sleep lines are any line on your body when you wake up from sleep. They’re little indents on your arm from the pillow case zipper. They’re creases on your face from your corduroy covers. They’re just cute little lines and dents on your arms and legs that tell everyone that...

#184 Hands-free-everything bathrooms Aug10

#184 Hands-free-everything bathrooms

It’s known as the Paper Towel Pile. Germophobes, you know what I’m talking about. It’s that filthy stash of crumpled wet paper towels sitting in a pathetic heap behind public bathroom doors. Bacteria conscious citizens aren’t above using paper towels like gloves to...

#185 Splashing someone outside the pool with a cannonball Aug07

#185 Splashing someone outside the pool with a cannonball

Bombs away. Bring on big splashes, wet clothes, and hot sunny afternoons of AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #185 Splashing someone outside the pool with a cannonball appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#186 When your friends with kids don’t just talk about their kids Aug06

#186 When your friends with kids don’t just talk about their kids

We love your kids. We do, we do, they’re cute, they’re adorable, they’re beautiful little Future You’s who will rule the Earth just fine when we’re all done living. And it’s fantastic they won bronze in high jump,  scored a Wise Man part in the Christmas...

#187 That moment just before you fall asleep when you know you’re about to fall asleep Aug05

#187 That moment just before you fall asleep when you know you’re about to fall asleep

It’s been a long day. Flick off the lights and rest your broken bones in bed. Collapse under the covers, twist out your spine, and crumple into your cozy cotton cocoon. Feel your eyes warm your lids after long hours looking at the screen. Let your jaw unclench, let your blood swim...

#188 Hiding inside a really big hood Aug04

#188 Hiding inside a really big hood

I have short hair. People, this is what happens when you’re going bald. Now I’ll probably always have short hair and I’m really hoping it doesn’t go too far out of style. Because if the new thing becomes dreads, french braids, and ponytails, then I’m screwed. You...

#189 Anything that gets you really, really sweaty Aug03

#189 Anything that gets you really, really sweaty

I’m no tennis pro. Yet somehow this past weekend I got tricked into playing a game with my brother-in-law Dee. I hadn’t played tennis in years, but Dee and I managed to scrounge around my dad’s basement to find two wooden rackets and a tube of balls. Even though each tennis...

#190 Making disgusting slurping noises while eating a really juicy peach Jul31

#190 Making disgusting slurping noises while eating a really juicy peach

You can’t fake a peach. Juice and candy companies keep trying with their Fuzzy Peach gummies and sugary peach drinks. But those molar-clogging sugar clumps never do the real peach justice. They’re an insult to peaches everywhere and mock the regal beauty of the Lord Of All...

#191 That bend in the pipe under the sink Jul30

#191 That bend in the pipe under the sink

Keep the poo outside. We all agreed on this hundreds of years ago and beyond when we scooted outside whenever nature called. Outhouses were the norm and everyone put on slippers and blindly stepped through flower gardens whenever they tinkled in the middle of the night. The rules changed after...

#192 A la moding anything Jul29

#192 A la moding anything

It happened last night. Leslie and I were walking around a new neighborhood when we strolled past a giant restaurant window with a tall guy in a paper hat standing inside. He was swiping a tiny windshield wiper across a hot black circle and cooking up thin little crepes. Maybe I’m a bit...

#193 That moment after the lightning and before the thunder Jul28

#193 That moment after the lightning and before the thunder

Here comes the rain. Black clouds cover the sky before jumbo drops start pounding down all around you. Drenching clothes, splashing windows, everyone runs for cover with wet cheeks and rain hair. And when giant cracks of lightning suddenly splinter the sky and fill everything with...

#194 When insects are struggling to do something and you help them Jul27

#194 When insects are struggling to do something and you help them

Picture this. You’re biking down the leaf-slicked sidestreets of your hometown when you suddenly lose your balance and fly head first over the handlebars straight into the curb. You smack it hard and are left lying in a twisted mess of bike chains and bloody legs. But then! Just as the...

#195 Burps that taste good Jul24

#195 Burps that taste good

I love burritos. Wrap a chewy tortilla around a slopful of sticky beans, blackened chicken, and creamy guacamole and that’s a pretty fine lunch. Hey, squirt some sour cream in there, sprinkle grated cheese, and splat some salsa on and you just made it better. Burritos are so delicious...

#196 Accidental snorts Jul23

#196 Accidental snorts

You just sounded like a pig. AWESOME! The post #196 Accidental snorts appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#197 Chugging cold milk after chocolate cake Jul22

#197 Chugging cold milk after chocolate cake

It’s like throat glue. After you finish scraping the chocolate icing off the plate and fingering up every last crumb, it suddenly hits you that your entire face and mouth is smeared with the brown and pasty. Molars have new chocolate fillings, lips are smeared with sugary icing, and your...

#198 Becoming friends with the other guy who doesn’t know anyone here Jul21

#198 Becoming friends with the other guy who doesn’t know anyone here

Welcome to the place where nobody knows your name. 1. The Boring Party. You’re watching Saturday Night Live on the couch or hanging by the punch table at prom while everyone else dances up a sweat to The Power, Informer, or Pump Up The Jam across the room. When that other guy plops on...

#199 That secretary who actually runs things around here Jul20

#199 That secretary who actually runs things around here

There’s always one. It’s the lady who’s been there since the war with glasses perched on her nose and the framed photo of her kids from twenty years ago on her desk. Sure, she might have gray hair, she might have wrinkles, but nobody’s better at keeping this place together. First of...

#200 Actually making the right amount of spaghetti Jul17

#200 Actually making the right amount of spaghetti

AWESOME! Check out my new book on resilience You Are Awesome The post #200 Actually making the right amount of spaghetti appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#201 When you owe someone $10 and someone else owes you $10 and they just give $10 to the person you owe instead Jul16

#201 When you owe someone $10 and someone else owes you $10 and they just give $10 to the person you...

Way to cut out the middleman. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #201 When you owe someone $10 and someone else owes you $10 and they just give $10 to the person you owe instead appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#202 Perfectly pulling a shrimp out of its tail Jul15

#202 Perfectly pulling a shrimp out of its tail

You’re the master wiggler. Nice move loosening that awkwardly-curled delicious pink meat from the plasticy trappings of its own tail. Now you’ve increased your shrimp intake and can rest knowing the shrimp’s life was made entirely useful. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, shrimp...

#203 When everything you’re cooking gets done at the same time Jul14

#203 When everything you’re cooking gets done at the same time

Toast gets cold fast. I’m reminded of this nearly every morning after I toss a couple scrambled eggs onto a plate and then mindlessly chomp into the cold and crumby jam-smeared bread that’s been lying around for a couple minutes. Do you have issues like I have issues? Hands up if...

#204 Opening doors without using your hands Jul13

#204 Opening doors without using your hands

I live in a tall apartment building downtown. Whenever I get home from the office I tap a little gray button thing or ‘fob‘ on my key chain onto the black box sensor near the front door which unlocks it. If I forget my fob, I’m locked out and forced to nonchalantly...

#205 That one person lying down at the front of every sports team photo Jul11

#205 That one person lying down at the front of every sports team photo

There’s always a photo. Yes, whenever I finished up a few painful months of smacking T-ball stands or getting beaned by soccer balls it was time for that classic end-of-the-year, middle-of-the-field photo shoot. Straighten your shinpads, comb your cowlick, and tighten your cleats,...

#206 When someone returns your wallet Jul09

#206 When someone returns your wallet

Please don’t steal my wallet. Honestly, I’ve got my entire life scrunched into that little slap of leather. Credit cards, ID, and lots of other Really Annoying Things To Replace fill up my back pocket every day of my life. Once in a while I’ll be in an airport in another...

#207 Vacuuming up a spider web Jul08

#207 Vacuuming up a spider web

Cleaning up the corners was never so easy. Sorry spidey. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #207 Vacuuming up a spider web appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#208 Cleaning all that gunk out of your keyboard or mouse Jul07

#208 Cleaning all that gunk out of your keyboard or mouse

Dirt is everywhere. Just look around the house for a second here. What’s that in your phone receiver? What’s all over the bottom of your Tupperware cupboard? And what’s that coating your own … face? If you said horribly sore bright red zits that’s only half the...

#209 Baby dreams Jul06

#209 Baby dreams

Because what are they thinking? Honestly, when I wake up in the morning and remember jagged shards of Dreams From Last Night, I’m usually just picking up familiar friends and family staging new acts in old places. Maybe I’ve got boring dreams but mine are usually just tense scenes twisting...

#210 When your schoolwork makes it onto the fridge Jul03

#210 When your schoolwork makes it onto the fridge

There is no limit. When you get the itch to go for it you can keep going all the way to the top. No one will tell you to stop. You can study and study and try and try and dream to go far and dream to go high. If you believe it can be, it can be. There’s no end to what you can...

#211 Dragging a stick across the metal fence you’re walking by Jul02

#211 Dragging a stick across the metal fence you’re walking by

It’s like playing a harp with only one note. AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #211 Dragging a stick across the metal fence you’re walking by appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#212 When someone actually returns your pen Jul01

#212 When someone actually returns your pen

Books, blow dryers, babies in baskets. These are all things we’d like back. These are all things we usually get back. But somehow it’s different with pens. When someone borrows one it’s like they’re immediately shipped to the Island of Misfit Toys with the rest of their...