#320 When your friend calls or texts you to say they got home safe Jan29

#320 When your friend calls or texts you to say they got home safe

Say goodbye. Watch your high school pal slowly fade into the foggy shadows at the park after a long night catching up on the swings. Close the cab door on Grandma after the smoky bingo parlor clears out and watch her swerve down wet-slicked roads out of sight. Flick on the porch lights as your...

#321 Taking the day off work on your birthday Jan28

#321 Taking the day off work on your birthday

Once upon a time I ran a sandwich shop. Yes, it was back in the early 00’s when I was a mayo-squirting kingpin working in the sticky, mustard-smeared sandwich underbelly. Surrounding me were a hodgepodge of acne-covered teenage longhairs who clocked in each day to slice tomatoes, chop...

#322 Atoms Jan27

#322 Atoms

They make everything. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #322 Atoms appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#323 The sizzle of a freshly cracked egg hitting a hot frying pan Jan24

#323 The sizzle of a freshly cracked egg hitting a hot frying pan

Get crackin’. Groggy and sore with jagged bedhead and an achy back you shuffle to the kitchen in stained sweats and mindlessly flick on the stove. Next it’s time to pop open the fridge and squint into the bright light before snagging some butter and the egg carton so you can get...

#324 Laughing at one stranger with another stranger Jan23

#324 Laughing at one stranger with another stranger

They’re everywhere. . They’re on every bus we ride, sitting in every doctor’s office, and standing behind every take-out counter. They’re beside us on the sidewalk, in front of us at the ballgame, and behind us at the movies. . Yes, you all know who I’m talking...

#325 Jumping through the sprinkler Jan22

#325 Jumping through the sprinkler

Snap on the spandex, turn on the hose, and let’s get down to business. Jumping through the sprinkler in your bathing suit is one of the greatest joys of childhood. Your backyard turns into a Waterpark as you pull off one of these classic moves: 1.The Original. Get the sprinkler...

#326 Slipping in the bathtub but then catching yourself at the last second Jan21

#326 Slipping in the bathtub but then catching yourself at the last second

You just about took a nude and soapy tumble into that slippery ceramic tub. But then you didn’t. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #326 Slipping in the bathtub but then catching yourself at the last second appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#327 When you bump something with your car and there’s somehow no marks Jan20

#327 When you bump something with your car and there’s somehow no marks

Bumping bumpers is a bummer. Couple years ago my friend Allison was wheeling her rusty bucket into the library when she crashed into the parked car in front of her. When she got out to inspect the damage she noticed she’d put a big bruise on the other guy but came out clean herself....

#328 The smell of the library when you walk in the front doors Jan17

#328 The smell of the library when you walk in the front doors

Come on in. Pull open the wooden door with those giant oversized handles that are smooth and worn down to a light brown finish. Drag your boots over the dirty green carpeted floor that bubbles up in the corners and splashes tiny dust clouds into shimmery orange sunbeams with every step. Feel...

#329 Being able to twist the lid off the jar after nobody else could Jan16

#329 Being able to twist the lid off the jar after nobody else could

I used to hang out at Jean’s place. Yes, back when I was in second grade and my sister Nina was in Kindergarten we spent our lunchtimes and after schools at a do-it-yourself daycare run by a leathery old woman named Jean. Her home was a cold and dark playground of plastic toys and...

#330 The smell of clean baby Jan15

#330 The smell of clean baby

Sniff those powdery fresh fumes as you pick up that fuzzy bundle of flabby cheeks and drooly drips. Someone just had a bath. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my podcast 3 Books — The post #330 The smell of clean baby appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#331 Somebody else’s highlights in your used textbook Jan14

#331 Somebody else’s highlights in your used textbook

Thanks for the helping hand, friendly stranger. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Youtube channel — The post #331 Somebody else’s highlights in your used textbook appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#332 When the dust pile on the floor is so big you can just pick it up with your hand Jan13

#332 When the dust pile on the floor is so big you can just pick it up with your hand

If you’re as bad at sweeping as I am then this is one of the few moments you get of complete cleaning catharsis. “Hey dust, you got cocky.” Also applies to hairballs. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #332 When the dust pile on the...

#333 The day when your cafeteria serves the best food they got Jan10

#333 The day when your cafeteria serves the best food they got

Have you ever had a panzarotti? Well, if not then let me tell you that panzarottis are magical miniature pepperoni pizzas folded over into giant doughy envelopes and baked to a golden brown crisp before being slathered with steaming tomato sauce. Sawing into them with a knife and fork gets the...

#334 The first meal you eat after the cold is over Jan09

#334 The first meal you eat after the cold is over

I had a streak going. See, for the past two years I narrowly avoided getting sick. Have you ever made it through a winter or two with that kind of luck? It was my first time and let me just say there’s nothing like a little run of good health to make you feel invincible. I felt like...

#335 Catching someone you love looking at you from across the room Jan08

#335 Catching someone you love looking at you from across the room

Baby, it’s true. Toss your mushy clump of skin, blood, and bones together and we get the beautifully strange and wonderful package that combines to form you. Jokes and smarts, stutters and starts, smiles and farts — we’re into your everything even though we probably...

#336 Nailing the perfect ketchup to fries ratio Jan07

#336 Nailing the perfect ketchup to fries ratio

Squeeze too much and you’re stuck with a syrupy red pool smeared across the side of your plate. Squeeze too little and you’ve got a cold and tasteless pile of potato blandness. Squeeze just right and you’re AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my podcast 3 Books...

#337 Getting buried under huge piles of heavy blankets on a freezing cold night Jan06

#337 Getting buried under huge piles of heavy blankets on a freezing cold night

Joey doesn’t have heat. Honestly, when I crashed at his cramped apartment a couple nights ago he welcomed me in wearing three sweaters and a set of chattering teeth while explaining that his apartment has no heat, so while he was glad I came over it was going to be a matter of setting up...

#338 When the bus driver drops you off just in front of your house Jan03

#338 When the bus driver drops you off just in front of your house

Hey, Mr. Bus Driver. Thanks for shortening our walk, thanks for making things easy, and thanks for breaking all the rules in the name of AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #338 When the bus driver drops you off just in front of your house appeared first...

#340 Feeling it deeply in your bones Jan01

#340 Feeling it deeply in your bones

Born and blasted into the world you’re a baby brain with wide eyes, chubby legs, and cloudy thoughts. Mom lifts you and picks you, eyes open and close, and fogs rise and settle. Tears stream and faces scream as your swirling brain twists and turns into thoughts… Nothing makes sense...

#341 Saying ‘See you next year!!!’ to everyone on new year’s eve and then laughing hysterically Dec31

#341 Saying ‘See you next year!!!’ to everyone on new year’s eve and then laughing hysterically...

You crack us up. Never stop being you. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #341 Saying ‘See you next year!!!’ to everyone on new year’s eve and then laughing hysterically appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#342 Finding something good to read in someone else’s bathroom Dec30

#342 Finding something good to read in someone else’s bathroom

Bathroom readers of the world, unite! It doesn’t matter if it’s an old issue of Reader’s Digest on top of the tank, yesterday’s crinkly newspaper lying on the floor, or a dog-eared comic book sitting on the bathroom counter. Nope, all that matters is now we don’t...

#343 When the inlaws finally leave Dec27

#343 When the inlaws finally leave

Now, now. Don’t get us wrong. It’s great filling the home with hugs and love and holiday joy. Everyone loves grandpas and grandmas and brand new toys. Yes, family fills living rooms with laughter, basements with board games, and kitchens with kisses. But let’s be honest...

#344 Turning into a blob on the couch after a giant holiday feast Dec25

#344 Turning into a blob on the couch after a giant holiday feast

After getting stuffed with stuffing and packed with potatoes someone kindly rolls you to the couch and covers you with old blankets and rogue scraps of wrapping paper for your post-holiday meal snooze. Yes, now it’s time to smile sweetly and pop outta your pants before spacing into a...

#345 When the Christmas tree lights are the only light in the room Dec24

#345 When the Christmas tree lights are the only light in the room

Turn out the lights. Pull the curtains open and watch as jumbo snowflakes drift past the window, snow-covered kids walk by dragging sleds, and winter winds whisper through the evergreens. Smell the turkey crisping in the oven, listen to scratchy carols spinning in your head, and hear footsteps...

#346 When the wrapping paper pattern lines up perfectly just before you tape it Dec23

#346 When the wrapping paper pattern lines up perfectly just before you tape it

Wrapping is serious. Yes, somewhere between peeling tape, snipping corners, and curling ribbons you start obsessing over all the little details. And sure, if you’re like me your present just ends up a corner-dented patchwork of twisted tape and shoddy edges. But for the pros...

#347 The Incredible Super Present Power Shop Dec20

#347 The Incredible Super Present Power Shop

You’re running late. When it’s almost Christmas and there’s nothing under the tree it’s time to furrow your brows, steady your glare, and clench those fists for a big Super Present Power Shop. Yes, this is where you bust into the mall in a sweatshirt-and-running shoes...

#348 That moment near the holidays when there’s suddenly cookies, chocolate, and candy lying around everywhere Dec19

#348 That moment near the holidays when there’s suddenly cookies, chocolate, and candy lying around ...

Let’s get fat together. Roll those rum balls, sprinkle sparkles on the shortbread, and dump the bulk bag of candy canes in the crystal dish by the secretary’s desk. AWESOME! For more Christmas posts check out this, this, or this! Photo from: here — Follow me on...

#349 Putting a Santa hat on your dog or grandparent Dec18

#349 Putting a Santa hat on your dog or grandparent

It’s party time. And those Christmas sweaters are just the beginning. I mean sure, tossing on a thick woolly for the holiday party is a sure way to spread the cheer — especially if your sweater features hypnotic swirls of red and green, a giant floating snowman head, or an intense...

#350 Just barely wrapping a gift with some tiny scrap of leftover wrapping paper Dec17

#350 Just barely wrapping a gift with some tiny scrap of leftover wrapping paper

Thanks, jewelry box, random bar of soap, and chocolate orange. You came through in the clutch to help use the final shredded scrap of wrap. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my new book You Are Awesome — The post #350 Just barely wrapping a gift with some tiny scrap of...