We’re all gonna get lumps. We’re all gonna get bumps. Nobody can predict the future but we do know one thing about it: It ain’t gonna go according to plan. Yes, we’ll all have massive highs, big days, and proud moments. Color faded, postcard-streaked blurs will float...

My friend Chris died a few years ago. He quietly suffered from mental illness for a long time but took great care to ensure everybody around him felt good, felt happy, and never worried about him. Most people didn’t know because his first concern was always how you were feeling, not...

My world was spinning in 2008. After finishing school in Boston and going on a cross-country road trip with my friends Chris and Ty, I moved to a dusty suburb to live with my brand new wife in my brand new life. Yes, we got married young, we got married quick, and after living on opposite...

My mom was born in Nairobi, Kenya in 1950. Growing up the youngest of eight kids in a small house off the downtown core, she was quiet, shy, and always the baby. Her three older brothers received the bulk of the family’s praise, attention, and money for education, while the girls were...

Howdy, y’all. This time, eight years back, The Book of Awesome was first made available for pre-order. It meant so much to me and I wanted to share my stories and my excitement with my readers over the course of a week’s posts. This is post one of five in the series. Now, part of...

Thanks for the tight squeeze before you hit the road. We’ll miss you too. Later, baby. AWESOME!   Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #570 When a little baby gives you a hug and kiss before it leaves appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

Etched and sketched into the spider web recesses of our brains are all kinds of cold storage items and garage sale knick-knacks we don’t really use anymore. But once in a while it’s fun to reach back, back, way back, and discover that our creaky treasure chests are holding bits of...

The other day my friend Gillian was telling us about the first time her mom used a computer. It was a long time ago, back, back, way back, and the story goes that the whole family was unpacking their new heavy, chunky PC in the middle of the living room. Styrofoam was cracked apart, boxes were...

This is also known as The Pity Laugh and it somehow manages to save your terrible joke from being a complete bomb. See, now you didn’t serve up a dud that hit dead air. No, no, your humor is just a little high brow and hard to understand, that’s all. AWESOME! Photo from:...

If your body starts getting used to that hot water it’s time to crank up the heat to keep the steam coming. Or if you’re in a race against the tank just turn that dial without mercy and get ready to lean back, relax, and sweat it all out. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check...

There you are holding a dozen eggs behind a guy slow-rolling a fat shopping cart stuffed with frozen pizzas, cases of soda, and piles of produce in plastic bags. But just as your eyes start skimming the tabloid headlines and you steady yourself for a long wait, he peeks back and notices your...

My friend Joey got his face ripped off last week. Yeah, while staring at his cheek in the mirror a few months back he noticed a a small rubbery bump below the surface of his skin. Few months, few phone calls, few appointments later he found himself under the knife in a five-hour surgery...

When this happens it’s like your day is winking at you. It sort of feels like all the mysteries of the world are about to unfold before your eyes as the universe puts up its hand and says “Hey, stop for a second!” Also applies to 11:11. AWESOME! Photo from: here —...

Everybody loves cartoons. Ain’t it fun cuddling up under the blanket or plopping down on the plushy seats and getting absorbed in the tall tales about lost clown fish, tough-talking great white sharks, or Parisian sewer rats with dreams of becoming five-star chefs? Yes, after the movie...

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. Yes, in terms of Kitchen Anticipation not much compares with yanking out a steaming, freeze-chilled carton of cold n’ creamy from the back of the freezer. Bowls hit the table, spoons clink on the countertop, and the carton starts...

Stepping on someone else’s sharp, jabby toenail shard is a painful and disgusting moment. Basically, it has the same creep-out factor as poking a dead bee laying in your windowsill or accidentally crushing a hollow, dusty skull on your tour through the catacombs. Now, on the other hand,...

It’s just so satisfying to look down at the clumps of hair shards covering the floor of the salon and think to yourself “That just came off of me!” Of course, the runner up to this feeling is when you notice a big hair haystack clinging for dear life onto your slippery nylon...

Walk into a grocery store and you’re surrounded by freshly misted lettuce, bubbling lobster tanks, and hot croissants rolling out of the oven. With your pupils dilated and mouth watering, there’s nothing finer than rolling your crookedy-wheel cart by the deli counter and making...

Peel back that mildewy curtain and let’s get down to business. Freshly soaped and squeaky clean your wet n’ steamy self towels dry and rolls on some Stink-B-Gone deodorant. But just before you pop from the hot steamroom into the goosebumpy hallway, it’s time to stop for a...

Sorry, you need my email address? Sure, no problem open house real estate agent, clothing store mailing list, or random membership-required website. Hit me up at idontcheckthisaccount @sorryaboutthat.com AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #584 That one...

Because at that moment you go from a greasy slack-jawed popcorn-kernel-n-sweatpants covered couch potato to a fast-talking screenwriter with sharp eyes, a whizzing mind, and a backup second career. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Facebook page — The post #585 Figuring out...

Diced tomatoes? Sure, Aisle 6, three quarters of the way back, two shelves below the kidney beans. They’re on sale this week. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my new memoir How To Get Back Up — The post #586 That one really old guy in the grocery store who knows exactly...

Okay, you know how good it feels when you peel your socks off at the end of the day? You know how your crinkly leg hairs all get a chance to relax, stretch out, and breathe a sigh of relief? Well, taking out your ponytail is like that times a million. All your hair unbends and finally points...

If your bad back, busted ankle, or bum knee is keeping you off the courts, then get ready to lean back in your desk chair and reminisce about the game you loved… Just crumple that hot inky sheet yanked from the photocopier’s paper-jammed bowels, swivel your desk chair sideways, and...

Peek outside on a snowy afternoon and the world moves in slow motion. Jumbo flakes float to the ground and coat your cracked sidewalks and patchy lawns in a thin blanket of bright white. Winds whisper through the willows as you strap your boots on and bundle up to head outside. Making those...

Feel that fuzz. Yes, when you toss on a brand new sweatshirt just smile and enjoy the smooth silky softness rubbing against your skin. There are no lint balls, fraying sleeves, or crinkled tags scratching at your neck. It’s just the cottony soft freshness of a brand new friend. Of...

Once again your room is at the top of its game. No more tripping on crumpled jeans flowers on your way to the light switch. No more grabbing random sweaters off your desk only to notice streaky mustard stains later in the day. Nope, no more dust bunnies, no more dried-out pudding cups, and no...

Everyone’s mom’s are a little bit different. But your mom’s are the best. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #592 Your mom’s homemade scrambled eggs appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

If your friend’s paying for lunch and you accidentally make eye contact with the shiny, mullet-draped face staring at you from her wallet, then it’s time to laugh and peel out your pimply, glasses-covered driver’s license photo as payment. AWESOME! Photo from: here —...

Cruising home from a friend’s place, driving the kids to school, rolling home on the highway, you smile softly and focus on the road as your head bops to the stereo. Suddenly clouds cover the sky, the air gets heavy, and big drops start pitter-pattering your windshield. Snare drum...