#935 Eating cookies like Cookie Monster Jul23

#935 Eating cookies like Cookie Monster

It sure is a sign of gluttonous satisfaction when you find yourself home alone, slouching on the couch in front of the TV with your eyes half open, a steady trail of cookie crumbs dripping from your mouth onto your shirt and pants, chocolate smears on your lips and fingers, and the telltale...

#936 Perfect parallel-parking on the first try Jul22

#936 Perfect parallel-parking on the first try

Have you ever been driving down a busy, two-lane road with cars parallel-parked on both sides and a long line of people driving in front of you and behind you? I have, and I tell you: it’s a terrible feeling. Most of the time I’d rather drive right on by a plum parking spot rather...

#937 The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk Jul21

#937 The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk

There’s just something about the smell of rain on a hot sidewalk. It’s sort of like the rain cleans the air — completely hammering all the dirt and grime particles down to the ground and releasing some hot, baked-in chemicals from the pavement. It smells best if it...

#938 Sweatpants aka track pants aka jogging pants Jul20

#938 Sweatpants aka track pants aka jogging pants

Once upon a time, I used to work on a college newspaper. The paper was halfway-decent, with some really strong writers, editors, and layouters. And it turned into a really tight-knit group — probably the result of a lot of late nights spent together drunk on Country-Time Lemonade and...

#939 Hot cream and a straight razor on your neck at the barber shop Jul19

#939 Hot cream and a straight razor on your neck at the barber shop

Okay, first off, it just feels great. Because really, how often do you get something nice and warm smeared on the back of your neck? Speak up if you’re getting this action somewhere else, because we’re all ears. For me, it’s only when I go to that old-school barber shop...

#940 Terrible businesses run by children Jul16

#940 Terrible businesses run by children

When I was about fourteen years old, I signed up for something called Junior Achievement. It was a happy-go-lucky non-profit group that promoted business and entrepreneurship skills in children. Or basically, it was a bunch of kids in a room every Thursday night acting like middle managers...

#941 The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy Jul15

#941 The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy

The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy states that if you are eating a meal with someone who ordered fries, and you didn’t order fries, you’re entitled to grab one of their fries and eat it just as it’s landing on the table as long as a) you ask first, b) you make eye contact with...

#942 Somebody flashing their high beams at you to warn you about the cops Jul14

#942 Somebody flashing their high beams at you to warn you about the cops

Tired and groggy, you’re driving home late at night, whipping down the side streets and back paths to get home a bit faster, your eyelids drooping, your body achy and sore. Occasionally, there are headlights in the opposite direction, blurry, whiz-by streaks of bright white — shift...

#943 Using Q-Tips the way you’re not supposed to use them Jul13

#943 Using Q-Tips the way you’re not supposed to use them

[digg=http://digg.com/odd_stuff/Why_is_there_a_picture_of_a_dog_on_the_back_of_a_Q_Tips_box] Yes, I’m talking about rubbing and twisting that cottony Q-Tip tip right on up inside your ear canal. Yeah, get it deep in there, where it doesn’t belong, because it’s like an...

#944 Your pillow Jul12

#944 Your pillow

Back one day on a long road trip, I sat in the driver’s seat, Ty sat shotgun, and Chris sat in the back. We were trucking down a long stretch of highway in silence, just watching the world go by, when out of nowhere Ty suddenly turned to me and said: “Hey, how long have you had...

#945 Spending all your money on candy Jul09

#945 Spending all your money on candy

[digg=http://digg.com/food_drink/Nine_of_the_best_candies_of_all_time] Everyone’s got the candy of their generation, their neighborhood, and their tastes. What sugary delights sent young minds to greats heights when you were a kid? Well, let’s share. Here are some highlights from...

#946 The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time Jul08

#946 The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time

Sure, the first couple days of not showering have a bit of a dirty-cool, hippieish, roughing-it feel to them. You come into your own, letting the deodorant wash away, the hair get full of scraggly-knots, and the sweat dry into your clothes. If you’re camping, you are at one with...

#947 Neighbors with pools Jul07

#947 Neighbors with pools

Hey there, neighbor. Thanks a lot for paying for that massive, expensive pool! Great job installing it, heating it, chlorinating it, vacuuming it, and skimming it. You sure it’s cool if I take you up on that offer to swing by for a quick dip? AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #947...

#948 The Man Couch Jul06

#948 The Man Couch

The Man Couch is any couch conveniently located near the changerooms in a women’s clothing store. You can tell which one’s The Man Couch, because it’s generally covered in man. Most are either text-messaging, napping illegally, or staring straight ahead, jaws dropped,...

#949 Ordering off the menu at fast food restaurants Jul05

#949 Ordering off the menu at fast food restaurants

[digg=http://digg.com/food_drink/Ordering_from_the_secret_menu_at_fast_food_restaurants] Ever had a neopolitan milkshake from McDonald’s? One where they layer the chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla flavors in the same cup, creating a thick, icy, slow-moving...

#950 Big, fat asses Jul02

#950 Big, fat asses

This ain’t no party line. Let’s not talk about how you need to accept yourself for who you are, not what you look like, or how it’s what’s inside that counts. Let’s talk about the big ol’ side of ham hanging out the back of your pants. That’s a great...

#951 Hearing a stranger fart in public Jul01

#951 Hearing a stranger fart in public

[digg=http://digg.com/odd_stuff/Why_hearing_a_stranger_fart_in_public_is_awesome] What’s funnier than hearing a stranger fart in public? Well sure, it can happen in a bank lineup, hotel lobby, or subway car. It can happen in a restaurant, movie theater, or local bar. But the funniest of...

#952 When someone tells you that you have something in your teeth Jun30

#952 When someone tells you that you have something in your teeth

Natural team players, your big ol’ teeth chomp and ship freshly ground foodpaste down the gully to the rest of your digestive system, who finish the job up in style. But unlike your stomach or large intestine, teeth actually have to look pretty doing it. They’re the frontman...

#953 When cashiers open up new check-out lanes at the grocery store Jun29

#953 When cashiers open up new check-out lanes at the grocery store

Though I hate to admit it, I am a slow, indecisive mess in the grocery store checkout lane. Since I am an extremely cheap person, I watch the prices scroll up on screen like a hawk, often saying things like “Oh, I thought that was on sale,” or, “Actually, I don’t...

#954 Rain hair Jun28

#954 Rain hair

You know when you get caught in the rain and your fabulous hairdo turns into a wet, frizzy mess? Well, I say that’s a good thing. Because hear me out. Let’s talk about how much time, money, and effort we put into the managing and upkeep of our golden locks of dead skin cells. How...

#955 Sneezing three or more times in a row Jun25

#955 Sneezing three or more times in a row

Sometimes sneezes hit you and hit you hard. Unless you’re rolling around in a pile of ragweed or sleeping on a pillow filled with pepper and cat hair, it usually starts completely out of nowhere. You feel that tickle deep up your nose. Just a tiny little quiver way, way up there, near...

#956 Using Rock-Paper-Scissors to settle anything Jun24

#956 Using Rock-Paper-Scissors to settle anything

[digg=http://digg.com/comedy/Rock_Paper_Scissors_Is_Awesome] While traveling on a road trip across the US last year, my friends Ty, Chris, and I ended up staying at a hotel that had two beautiful double beds cordoned off in private rooms, and one thin piece of felt spread over a hard metal...

#957 The telephone Jun23

#957 The telephone

What’s this? I can talk into a clump of plastic and wires over here and you can hear me from the other side of the planet a millisecond later? AWESOME! The post #957 The telephone appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#958 Being the first person into a really crowded movie theater and getting the prime seats Jun22

#958 Being the first person into a really crowded movie theater and getting the prime seats

When it comes to where to sit in a movie theater, everybody has their favorite spot: • The back row crowd. We all know these people because most of us have been these people. With nobody behind you, the back row becomes a prime make out spot, perfect place to sneak sips from your secret...

#959 Planning for snoozes Jun21

#959 Planning for snoozes

If you’re like me, then a war is waged every morning near your alarm clock. It is a neverending series of epic clashes between The Awake You and The Sleeping You, with each side sticking to its guns, fighting fiercely in the ultimate battle for the first half hour of your day. Sometimes...

#960 Strategic trick-or-treating Jun18

#960 Strategic trick-or-treating

[digg=http://digg.com/arts_culture/Awesome_Thing_960_Strategic_trick_or_treating] Trick-or-treating ain’t no game. No, it’s a life lesson in goal-setting, planning, and tactical execution. Kids who master trick-or-treating go on to become successful world leaders. Kids who...

#961 Yellow teeth Jun17

#961 Yellow teeth

Hey, since when are teeth supposed to be beaming white, shining like little flashlights whenever somebody laughs or smiles? The way it’s been lately with the whitening strips, gels, gums, and toothpastes, the baking soda this, the dental bleaching that, well it almost seems like Having...

#962 Being the guy on the construction crew who gets to hold the Stop sign Jun16

#962 Being the guy on the construction crew who gets to hold the Stop sign

Sometimes you drive by those construction workers and you just can’t believe what they’re going through. Everyone’s face is covered in hot soot, sewer grease, and rain. One guy is up to his neck in the road, another is jackhammering his spinal column into dust, and then...

#963 When someone offers to toss your dirty clothes in with their load of laundry Jun15

#963 When someone offers to toss your dirty clothes in with their load of laundry

While flipping channels mindlessly the other day I ended up on the fast money round of Family Feud just as the host said to the contestant, “Name a household chore you don’t mind doing.” The contestant flashed a split-second look of massive confusion before reluctantly...

#964 The day when you first realize you can drive Jun14

#964 The day when you first realize you can drive

When I was sixteen the local Driver’s Ed course was offered on a muggy, unbearably humid week in the dead of summer. The classroom was on the top floor of an old, downtown building, the kind housing a mixed bag of dentists, lawyers, and old travel agencies with faded posters in the...