Stamped hands and plastic wristbands cover the sweaty crowd as  lights flick on at the end of the show. Crowds bump and grind to the bathrooms as eyes adjust and ears pop. Minutes later you pile into the car with your friends and buckle up for a slow, traffic-jammy trip out of the lot, down...

Nobody likes bedtimes. Nope, nothing’s worse than lying under the covers in hot, flannel PJs with wide, unblinking eyes while the late autumn sun slowly droops outside your window. As the sky fades to a burning orange the streetlights flicker on, the moon pops out, and eventually the...

Greasy forehead, sore ankles, and a dull headache cap your traffic-jammy ride home from a long day at work. Dragging yourself to the door your stomach rumbles and grumbles as you picture the bland frozen burrito you’re gonna nuke for dinner. Yeah, the day got you down, the day knocked...

Dim streetlights cast blurry shadows for your cold walk home. Snow-packed mitts, floppy wool hat, and a drippy, sniffly nose cover your shuddery frame as you shuffle down empty side streets on your way to the cozy warmth of your waiting bed. Everything is an eerily pitch-perfect silence buried...

Brother, I’ve made a lot of macaroni. Yes, for a four-year period back in college I became a regular kitchen whiz at cracking open that flimsy cardboard box of thin, rock-hard noodles, boiling them up to a perfect al dente, and stirring in that magical ratio of milk, butter, and...

They’re short and there’s nothing they can do about it except learn to live with their shortness. For this reason, we respect them and think they’re cool. If you’re really, really short, you feel it, because this is your life: • Forget seeing anything at concerts....

Pepperoni fumes fill the air as you swerve and curve your way home. Yes, that hot bulky square of cardboard filled with zesty sauce and bubbling mozzarella heats your legs and gets your stomach rumbling for a delicious dinner that nobody needs to cook. AWESOME! Photo from: here —...

Sure, sure, we’re all honest people here. You and me, we’re driving the speed limit, crossing at crosswalks, and never double parking. But that doesn’t mean we don’t like bonus fries, extra-scoopy ice cream, or double cheese on our subs, people. Yes, when the gal behind...

Skip the shock. People, we’ve chatted before about how bad your feet have it. Face it, they’ve been through a lot today so there’s no need to nail them with a blast of cold air before bed. Instead, just tuck them in tightly, tuck them in rightly, and peel off your socks using...

Maybe a quiet haze drifts in your dorm as you worry about upcoming exams and patchy friendships. Maybe your heart just got flattened by a runaway relationship and the knots in your stomach are twisting and burning. Or maybe you’re trekking cross-country with a backpack and a dream and...

With a dropped jaw, buggy eyes, and sweaty palms your hot, salty head pops up from your warm pillow in a heart-pounding state of emergency. After a second of massively intense panic where you zoom into brain-rushing, adrenaline-gushing overdrive, it just suddenly just dawns on you … It...

Do you remember your Worst Sleep Ever? Man, I sure do. I tell you, it was back when I was in college and a few friends and I drove a skiddy van across a snowy highway in the middle of a blizzard to crash with my friend Chad. It was a cold weekend full of laughs and catching up with friends who...

Time is an illusion. Baby, we’re all just spinning, gninnips, spinning. Electrons spinning in our tall, fleshy bodies, spinning on our big, wet rock, spinning in our bright, white solar system, spinning in our deep, dark galaxy, spinning in our brain-bustingly big universe. Listen, this...

It happened late last night. Cruising down the highway, heading home from the airport, my friend Shiv absentmindedly rifled through my passenger side door full of old computer-printed directions, parking stubs, and cracked jewel cases. “What’s this?”, she asked, popping open...

You drive to the park, you walk to the gate, you get your hand stamped, you run to the line, you move up, you grab a hot-dog, you move up, you check your watch, you get to the front, you jump in the ride, and then the big moment finally arrives: the screechy cars start moving, there’s...

How do you get rid of a bad case of The Hics? Brother, I don’t know about you, but in my neck of the woods it’s all about the junk science moves. Yes, when your diaphragm starts spazzing, it’s time to keep cool, keep calm, keep collected and try one of these: 1. The Backwards...

Waiting in a long line for a roller coaster, writing your ninth grade math exam, riding to work on the commuter rail, it suddenly hits you: that slippery Shake, Rattle, n’ Roll way, way, way up your nose. You tap your pockets, check your purse, but no luck. You’ve got no tissues....

Oh, there’s more than just guitar. How many of these other air classics have you pulled off? 1. Air drums. Riding shotgun and nailing solos on the dashboard or cooking dinner and feeling the beats on the kitchen counter, you either go with the My-Fingers-Are-Drumstricks method or the...

Nope, no awkward, pants-around-the-ankles hopping here. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #638 When the toilet paper left on the roll is the exact amount you need appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

It’s been a long afternoon. Making a list, checking it twice, heading to the store for milk, bread, and rice. Brother, let’s face facts: when you finally wheel onto your slippery leaf-covered driveway with a trunk full of wet celery, rolling apples, and melting ice-cream, all you...

Wind whips through your hair and smacks your cheeks as you scream down the slope at the rip-rocketing speed of AWESOME! Illustration from: here — Check out my new Youtube channel — The post #640 Coasting down the hill super fast after pedalling hard all the way up appeared...

Hands up if you drive on the snowy side of the planet. If so then you know how your icebox on wheels gets sick when the weather dips. Washer fluid smears and freezes on your windshield, windows jam shut, and those nasty, rock-hard clumps of dirty frozen slush start bumper surfing on the back...

Has long left turn lane got you down? Are you backed up past where the lane even begins? Is there an 18-wheeler in front of you pulling a massive wraparound turn at the speed of sloth? Did the guy in the intersection hit the brakes when you expected him to gun it, delaying you both for another...

Tssssssssssssss. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my podcast 3 Books — The post #643 The sizzling sound of steaks hitting a hot grill appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

Thanks, boss. When you observe the safe haven of our evenings and weekends by scheduling company events during company hours, we’re loving you lots. Because come on, we all have lots going on after work — clothes need washing, family needs visiting, and the kids have a sports...

Back at college, I remember walking up to my friend Mike’s house on Halloween and seeing him frantically painting bright, red briefs onto a pair of nice blue jeans. He was really going at it, too — slapping the wet brush all over the crotch  and pockets, wagging his tongue out...

Finger-picking the sticky congealed remains off the top of the plastic glue lid sounds like no fun, but come on: it’s relatively clean and easy, satisfies some obsessive-compulsive instincts, and gives us all some smoooooooooth streaming for the rest of crafts day. AWESOME! Photo from:...

I’m the Robin Hood of batteries. Since I am an extremely cheap person I always rob from the rich, battery-filled remotes on my couch and give to the poor new gadgets laying on my counter. I stumble around Sherwood Living Room, clicking open plastic battery doors, hunting for dependable...

Sure, there may be a few tense minutes while the little rascal gets trapped between the sliding doors, but if you’re patient he’ll eventually find his way outside and you can rest feeling a little less murderery. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Youtube channel...

Forget picnic tables, plastic chairs, and patio sets. No, we’re talking about the real deal. We’re talking about moving furniture from inside your pad to outside of it, and busting the shackles of climate control in favor of fresh air and a rocking good time. Feel these beats: 1....