#794 People you don’t have to clean up for when they visit Jun25

#794 People you don’t have to clean up for when they visit

Toilet bowl stains are a fact of life. Big billowy dustballs are going to pool under the couch, crumbs will form communities on your kitchen counter, flyers and junk mail will pile by the door and, let’s just face it, once in a while your place will just stink. But hey, it’s not...

#795 The Frisbee Flying Saucer Jun24

#795 The Frisbee Flying Saucer

There are a few types of Frisbee tosses out there: 1. The Sideways Roller. Even the best frisbee tossers can’t avoid the occasional Sideways Roller. This is when the frisbee hits the ground almost immediately, and then rolls away in a sharp, spinning circle. For some extra points,...

#796 The sound of rain hitting the tent Jun23

#796 The sound of rain hitting the tent

Okay, straight up: you know those big kettle drums you see in the symphony? The ones being pounded with padded drumsticks by a bald guy in a tuxedo? Well, the sound of rain from inside the tent feels like living in a kettle drum. Now, let’s be honest. The best thing about the sound of...

#797 Seeing a police car on the side of the road and realizing you’re already going the speed limit Jun22

#797 Seeing a police car on the side of the road and realizing you’re already going the speed limit...

Stress level goes up. Stress level goes down. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #797 Seeing a police car on the side of the road and realizing you’re already going the speed limit appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#798 When the blood rushes quickly back to your foot after it was asleep for a while Jun21

#798 When the blood rushes quickly back to your foot after it was asleep for a while

See ya later, pins and needles. Welcome back, blood. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Youtube — The post #798 When the blood rushes quickly back to your foot after it was asleep for a while appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#799 When the backseat car windows go down all the way Jun20

#799 When the backseat car windows go down all the way

When it’s a dark, summer night, and you’re cruising around town, bass thumping, head bumping, rocking out in the backseat, let me ask you something: what feels nicer than slipping your hand out the window and letting that cool breeze wash right over you? If you said not much, baby,...

#800 Finally picking that tiny splinter out of your finger Jun19

#800 Finally picking that tiny splinter out of your finger

After a lot of pinching, tweezing, and biting out pops that annoying little sliver of wood, leaving behind only a tiny, satisfying puncture hole. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Subscribe to my Youtube channel — The post #800 Finally picking that tiny splinter out of your finger...

#801 When you know your remote control so well you don’t need to look at the buttons Jun18

#801 When you know your remote control so well you don’t need to look at the buttons

Ever tried to turn on someone else’s TV? Brother, we both know that’s a tough slog, probably involving a couple of these fine moves: 1. The Brand Name Match-Up. You stare at three identical-looking black remotes on their coffee table and play Sherlock by matching brand names. You...

#802 Watching something download super fast Jun17

#802 Watching something download super fast

The first website I ever visited was Yahoo.com. The whole sordid affair went down in the mid-90s on a school trip to the Science Center. While other kids from our class learned how paper was made or watched Imax films about the Amazon, my friends and I raced to a dim room at the back stuffed...

#803 Your favorite comfortable T-shirt that’s probably the oldest one in your closet Jun16

#803 Your favorite comfortable T-shirt that’s probably the oldest one in your closet

Sure, maybe the collar’s stretched out, the iron-on’s wearing off, and a moth chewed a few holes in the back, but how good does that translucent, tight-fitting second skin feel when you squeeze into it and rock it down the street? AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on...

#804 Gym pain aka Gym burn aka Hot muscles Jun15

#804 Gym pain aka Gym burn aka Hot muscles

Believe it, folks: I went to the gym last Saturday. Yes, flabby belly, spaghetti-thin arms, bright white sneakers and all. Though it may surprise you, I am not a walking talking hulk of a man. No, I’m a scrawny knee-pushups kind of guy who spends more time taking sips of water, talking...

#805 The nostalgic smell of crayons Jun14

#805 The nostalgic smell of crayons

Crack open a fresh box and get ready for a neuron-splattering headrush. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Facebook — The post #805 The nostalgic smell of crayons appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#806 Plain old ducks Jun13

#806 Plain old ducks

Because they can walk, fly, and swim. Ducks 3, humans 2. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #806 Plain old ducks appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#807 Your Keeper Pen Jun12

#807 Your Keeper Pen

You know the one. The cap is long gone, the end is chewed up, but that trusty ballpoint, she keeps flowing like Niagara Falls. Loyal, failsafe, and inky to the bone, that one really good pen might be stashed on top of the fridge, deep in a dresser drawer, or down at the bottom of the pencil...

#808 Coming home after a really long day to the smell of someone cooking dinner Jun11

#808 Coming home after a really long day to the smell of someone cooking dinner

Brain boggled, pants greasy, heels too high, or tie too tight? Can feel your heartbeat in your temples? Does your bad breath taste like paint? Is your carpal tunnel syndroming? Because if so, Office Joe, then maybe it’s been a long day. Maybe you stapled too many TPS reports, got buried...

#809 The first day in new socks Jun10

#809 The first day in new socks

Alright, let’s break it down. New Socks Day is great for four big reasons: 1. Treat for your feet. Face it, your feet got it bad. Big toes get stubbed, dry skin gets rubbed, and bunions grow on your baby toe. Squeeze those caked and cracked pita-bread heels into tight shoes all day and...

#810 Returning to your cozy and comfy sheets after getting up to go pee in the middle of the night Jun09

#810 Returning to your cozy and comfy sheets after getting up to go pee in the middle of the night

Groggy and blind, you grunt and scratch your way back to your wrinkled sheet cave after an epic journey through the frozen bathroom wilderness. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #810 Returning to your cozy and comfy sheets after getting up to go pee in...

#811 Getting off an airplane after a really long flight Jun08

#811 Getting off an airplane after a really long flight

BO clouds dissipate and float away, wailing babies quit wailing at the luggage bay, your cell phone works so you call friends up, say hey, and all your scrunched up, bunched up, hunched up muscles just relax as you stretch them out now, feeling A-okay. You’re out of the window seat, out...

#812 When you’re drowning but just then a dolphin suddenly comes to your rescue Jun07

#812 When you’re drowning but just then a dolphin suddenly comes to your rescue

And suddenly you’re just hanging onto its back with your arms tucked firmly under its bottle nose, your face salty and stinging, your hair matted across your ears, as you’re whisked safely across the ocean on the ride of your life. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on...

#813 Really elaborate museum gift shops Jun06

#813 Really elaborate museum gift shops

Because let’s face it: the best stuff in the joint is generally silkscreened on an XXL T-shirt, printed on a novelty oversized pencil, or reduced to a tiny plastic key chain. Monet coasters and Van Gogh posters stuff shelves by the front door so you can pop in and out real quick and say...

Jun05

#814 All those cheesy theme songs from 80’s sitcoms

TV theme songs are a dying breed. Networks flash zooming logos or three-second jingles in place of the overextended 60-second song explaining how Gilligan and crew ended up on the island or what Will Smith is doing in Bel Air. And sure, maybe they get a few more commercials in or maybe...

#815 When you shove the person snoring next to you and it makes them stop Jun04

#815 When you shove the person snoring next to you and it makes them stop

Just tap that elbow in the rib cage a bit, maybe pat the belly, or if you’re feeling particularly brave, give a big kick to the back of the knees while loudly whispering Shhhhhh in their ears. If that still doesn’t work, it’s time to roll them on over, and don’t worry:...

#816 When the late-night food order arrives really, really early Jun03

#816 When the late-night food order arrives really, really early

Grumbling tums make the pizza come every time. Scope this scene: It’s late at night, clock clicking past three in the morning, you and your friends are laying on a torn, potato chip crumb covered couch, sporting big grins, slack jaws, droopy eyes, and sweaty T-shirts. You’re...

#817 Doing something completely half-assed at the last minute and getting away with it Jun02

#817 Doing something completely half-assed at the last minute and getting away with it

Just look at this adorable little rascal with his tiny puppy paw stuck in the toilet paper roll and all. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Subscribe to my Youtube channel — The post #817 Doing something completely half-assed at the last minute and getting away with it appeared first...

#818 When the dentist says “No cavities!” Jun01

#818 When the dentist says “No cavities!”

Cavities hurt. Yesterday I got two of them filled real tight with the hard, white cake. First they sat me down in the loungy, blue leather dentist chair and then tipped me back so the blood poured into my brain and filled up my eyeballs. Then they dressed me up with a plastic bib and goggles...

#819 The old Take a Penny, Leave a Penny bowl May31

#819 The old Take a Penny, Leave a Penny bowl

Nobody likes pennies. Sure, maybe in the 1800s they scored you a handful of gumballs or the evening edition of your local Times-Express, but these days they’re barely worth 1% of a Snickers bar. Go on, lick the edge of a Snickers next time and scrape off a few molecules of chocolate with...

#820 Making it out of the bathroom stall at work before anyone realizes you made it smell that way May30

#820 Making it out of the bathroom stall at work before anyone realizes you made it smell that way

Stinking up the can at work is terrible. Let’s face it: there are no fans to turn on, windows to open, spray cans to spray, or matches to light. No, you’re on your own in this non-anon, dimly lit den of suit-and-tie hellos and on-the-job head nods. Whatever dark cloud you’re...

#821 Paper towels instead of hand dryers in the bathroom May29

#821 Paper towels instead of hand dryers in the bathroom

Sorry, environment. We’re in a bit of a hurry here. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Subscribe to my Youtube channel — The post #821 Paper towels instead of hand dryers in the bathroom appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#822 When there’s still lots of time left in the parking meter when you pull up May28

#822 When there’s still lots of time left in the parking meter when you pull up

Say some kind and generous soul left seven unused minutes on the parking meter and left you with three big choices. First of all, you could go with the No Dollar Dash. This is where you do some quick mental math and figure you can run all your errands before the time expires. If you can rent...

#823 When you finally figure out what was making that horrible smell and get rid of it May27

#823 When you finally figure out what was making that horrible smell and get rid of it

Okay, a few years back my eleventh grade Chemistry class began with Ms. Serevetas handing out textbooks. A small woman wearing big glasses and a big labcoat, she just introduced herself and then began calling us up, one by one, to the front of the room. It was the first day so nobody had the...