#169 Tennis grunts Aug31

#169 Tennis grunts

Tennis is classy. Fans don’t paint their faces silver, put on a pair of horns, and stand waving giant cardboard signs while sipping from Beer Hats. No, they sit in hushed crowds, whisper politely, and eat berries and cream on Saturday mornings. Players are classy too with their supermodel...

#170 Inventing new foods at the buffet Aug28

#170 Inventing new foods at the buffet

Buffets are chemistry labs. You’ve got every element on the Foodiodic Table sitting in front of you in tiny black plastic containers. There’s smeared clumps of feta and pickled beets in the salad bar, greasy cheese pizza congealing under table lamps, and mini chocolate eclairs...

#171 Completely guessing the right answer on a multiple choice test Aug27

#171 Completely guessing the right answer on a multiple choice test

AWESOME! Illustration from: here The post #171 Completely guessing the right answer on a multiple choice test appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#172 Laugh lines Aug26

#172 Laugh lines

Bathtubs are crystal balls. Soak in them long enough and you’ll get a wrinkly idea of what you’ll look like in years. Brothers and sisters, since skin creases will wedge into the cracks and corners of all of our bodies over all of our lives we’ve got two big choices on living...

#173 When you walk straight through one of those empty winding lineup things Aug25

#173 When you walk straight through one of those empty winding lineup things

Don’t get me started on airports. Look, I love flying as much as the next guy but sometimes it feels like we’re grunting cows being poked from pen to pen. Check-in, customs, and security mean lines up the yin yang and through it all we’re papery flurries of passports,...

#174 Old people pants Aug24

#174 Old people pants

It’s about authenticity. It’s about being you and being cool with it. It’s about baggy turquoise capris, striped maroon jumpsuits, and neon track pants. Yes, when you walk by an old person sporting some colorful and comfortable pants with flair, do us all a favor and give...

#175 When your footsteps line up perfectly with the black and white floor tiles Aug21

#175 When your footsteps line up perfectly with the black and white floor tiles

Brain, you´re funny. Who knows what caveman electrons are firing you up on a daily basis? Something must have been programmed in a while back to make it so enjoyable to pop bubble wrap, hear frozen puddles crack, or stab those little buttons on top of the soft drink cup lid. Click clack,...

#176 Getting tiny chores done before the microwave dings Aug20

#176 Getting tiny chores done before the microwave dings

Beat the beep. Toss that bowl of instant oatmeal, can of Chef Boyardee, or salty plate of last night´s stir-fry into the microwave and get ready for sixty seconds of tornado-twisting action in the kitchen. When the door slams and the plate starts turning, it´s time to start scrubbing the...

#177 Grandma emails Aug19

#177 Grandma emails

AWESOME! Illustration from: here The post #177 Grandma emails appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#178 When you hear someone’s smile over the phone Aug18

#178 When you hear someone’s smile over the phone

Living in a big city can be lonely. Friends scatter and splatter in all directions and people dear to your heart fling themselves across state lines, borders, and deep dark oceans. And while calling your friends has gotten a lot cheaper, let’s be honest: It’s still hard to line everything...

#179 Getting your ID checked when you’re way over the legal age Aug17

#179 Getting your ID checked when you’re way over the legal age

Hey, sometimes you’re in the mood for a few drinks. Big bottle of Merlot over a romantic spaghetti dinner, clinking beers floating in an icy cooler beside the tent, Jello shooters before the bars in college, or bubbly flutes of champagne for the big New Year’s bash. Whatever your...

#180 Tripping and realizing no one saw you Aug14

#180 Tripping and realizing no one saw you

Babies take a while to walk. If you’ve seen it happen, you know there is plenty of falling, crawling, and bawling. Hey, there’s a reason most two-year-olds are covered in fat lips, skinned knees, and coffee-table-dented foreheads. Learning to walk ain’t easy. Sure, you did it...