#456 When your friend returns the book they borrowed and they actually read it Jul22

#456 When your friend returns the book they borrowed and they actually read it

Man, I’m a master of the Ghost Loan. This is where I borrow someone’s favorite book and them promptly leave it on my shelf for months without touching it. Sure, I see it, I look at it, I think about it, I want to read it, but I just… don’t. And then I keep it for a...

#457 That tiny little hole at the top of your sink that prevents it from overflowing Jul19

#457 That tiny little hole at the top of your sink that prevents it from overflowing

Let’s face it. We’re all idiots who love cranking taps and have no idea when reckless shaving and face-washing shenanigans might flood our bathroom floors. Thanks for watching our backs, little hole. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Youtube channel — The post...

#458 The rare moment when you’re on a beach by yourself Jul18

#458 The rare moment when you’re on a beach by yourself

Enjoy the silence. Maybe you’re an early bird who goes jogging on the cool sand as the sun rises. Ocean waves quietly lap to shore together with twisted messes of dark seaweed and chipped seashells as faint orange sunbeams peek over the horizon… Or maybe you’re a sand...

#459 Plain old forks Jul17

#459 Plain old forks

Once upon a time we didn’t have forks. Yes, our ancient ancestors were forced to scoop saber-tooth tiger brains out with twigs, hold woolly mammoth meat over the fire with spears, and eat prehistoric pies with a spoon. According to our egghead pals at Wikipedia, although the Ancient...

#460 The Super Jump Jul16

#460 The Super Jump

Close your eyes and let your brain slip back … You’re a tiny tot holding big hands walking down a sandy beach. As the sun sets over the glittery water the salty ocean breeze hits your hair and your feet squish into cool sand as somebody suddenly yells out “1-2-3...

#461 When you get in the car and notice someone filled up the tank for you Jul15

#461 When you get in the car and notice someone filled up the tank for you

Nothing’s worse than popping into first and noticing you’re flirting with the big E. Suddenly you’re late for work, the date’s on hold, and your party’s stalled in the parking lot. Yes, jumping in a car and noticing it’s out of gas ranks pretty high on 1000...

#462 Pain Jul12

#462 Pain

It’s there for a reason. Whether you’re shredding your legs on a raspberry bush, scalding your hand in hot water, or taking an arrow to the chest in the forest, I got bad news for you, brother: that’s gonna hurt. Yes, when our bodies take blows those powerful jolts make us...

#463 The sound of the cork popping Jul11

#463 The sound of the cork popping

Last year my friend Baxter popped a champagne cork off his head. Yes, he bent over the bottle, gritted his teeth and twisted, and managed to shoot that cork like a speeding bullet right smack off his forehead. He stared up with his mouth forming a giant O of shock as bubbles foamed up and...

#464 When characters in a movie visit a place you know in real life Jul10

#464 When characters in a movie visit a place you know in real life

What a trip. It’s always a big moment when the flickering screen features one of these special scenes: 1. The Hometown Spotlight. This is when the characters come visit the city you live in. Nope, don’t matter if it’s terrorists fleeing the country, teen lovers filling gas on...

#465 When a work friend evolves into an outside-of-work friend Jul09

#465 When a work friend evolves into an outside-of-work friend

The nine to five brought you together. Cracking jokes by the copier, swapping stories on the line, laughing in the lunchroom, you found a friend between policies, procedures, and paperwork. When you got together you started noticing you were just you, just hanging out, just laughing about your...

#466 Using milk instead of water whenever you can Jul08

#466 Using milk instead of water whenever you can

What’s up, instructions? Why you gotta be recommending water in our pancakes, hot chocolate, and jello pudding? Why you trying to blandify our oatmeal, brownie mixes, and cream of mushroom soup? Look, we’re sorry but there’s new chef in the kitchen and things are going to be...

#467 Guilty pleasure music Jul05

#467 Guilty pleasure music

We’ve all got some. Just the other day my friend Vanessa and I were grabbing breakfast when we started talking about guilty pleasure songs. As I doused a tower of pancakes in a tidal wave of syrup we laughed about those songs you don’t really tell your friends about. You know, it’s...