#246 When you’re looking for a friend at the grocery store and suddenly spot them at the end of the aisle May14

#246 When you’re looking for a friend at the grocery store and suddenly spot them at the end of the ...

Sounds easy enough. You grab the meat, I’ll grab the veggies, meet you at the front. But after completing your Mint N’ Mushroom Mission and racing to the checkouts you suddenly find yourself all alone in Lineup Paradise. You can’t hang onto the awkward armload of plastic...

#247 Drinking anything other than wine out of a wine glass May13

#247 Drinking anything other than wine out of a wine glass

Suddenly your milk gets classy, your orange juice gets refined, and your chocolate milk feels more sophisticated. When you’re a kid you suddenly go from ten years old to thirty and can legally show up at the dinner table with heavily slicked and parted hair, a handkerchief puffing out of...

#248 Digging out a little pool around you in the sand at the beach May12

#248 Digging out a little pool around you in the sand at the beach

Life begins with climate control. Since we first hung woolly mammoth furs from forest branches we’ve gotten used to getting comfy when we settle in somewhere. Just look at babies in those curly fetal poses in their flannel onesies, napping in sunhats, shades, and shorts in strollers, or...

#249 When you put a slice of lasagna on the plate and it doesn’t collapse into a puddle May11

#249 When you put a slice of lasagna on the plate and it doesn’t collapse into a puddle

We all know that slippery wet pile of scorching sauce and bubbling cheese doesn’t usually hold together when you jigsaw it out of the pan. Nope, after yanking it out of the burning hot tray the rectangle hole left behind quickly fills up with lasagna swamp water. Sure, your soaring...

#250 Inventing new phrases that only make sense to you and your friends May08

#250 Inventing new phrases that only make sense to you and your friends

Ten goods. That’s a phrase my friends used in high school to express our casual annoyance with minor problems. Extra homework for the weekend? Ten goods. Cafeteria sold out of panzerottis? Ten goods. Tennis ball stuck in the gutter during road hockey? Ten goods. Now you got it. Rye started...

May07

#251 When none of the peas fall off your fork on the way to your mouth

May06

#252 Taking your makeup off after wearing it all day

May05

#253 Optimistic Weather Dressers

#254 Finding a chocolate egg way after Easter Apr30

#254 Finding a chocolate egg way after Easter

Surprise! While mindlessly dragging your hand between the couch cushions, sweeping the backyard patio stones, or searching for extra batteries in the junk drawer a tiny foiled egg suddenly appears like a sugary gift from the heavens. And when you score that surprise chocolate dropping just...

#255 That guy who brings treats to work on Friday Apr29

#255 That guy who brings treats to work on Friday

Office jobs are tough. I know we cubicle farmhands aren’t exactly hammering diamonds in dusty mineshafts, landing planes in snowy storms, or performing emergency appendectomies. But still — what we’re doing is complex mail merges to make envelope labels, compiling meeting...

#256 When the bass kicks in Apr28

#256 When the bass kicks in

When the bass kicks in the song kicks up to a whole new part of its game. Your head starts grooving, your arms start moving, and everything inside you just wants to dance. AWESOME! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXGKfRYRho4] — Follow me on Instagram — The post #256 When the bass...

#257 Eating a free sample of something you have no intention of buying Apr27

#257 Eating a free sample of something you have no intention of buying

Why hello, little cup of strawberry-banana punch. How you doing, pepper-dill crackers? Don’t mind if I do, spicy salami wrapped around a piece of melon. Yes, eating a free sample of something you have no intention of buying is a great way to stay on top of what’s happening at the...