#486 When a human answers the phone when you call a big company Jun10

#486 When a human answers the phone when you call a big company

Thank you for calling. We are experiencing lower than normal call volumes. AWESOME! Photo from: here       — Check out my podcast 3 Books — The post #486 When a human answers the phone when you call a big company appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#487 Fitting back into the jeans you haven’t been able to wear for a while Jun07

#487 Fitting back into the jeans you haven’t been able to wear for a while

Brother, my closet is stuffed as a scarecrow. See, I’ve got too many clothes because I keep all my old faves from years gone by. My drawers are packed with tattered jerseys, fraying undies, and lonely socks praying for their partners to please come home. On top of all that, I’ve...

#488 Using your pants as a towel Jun06

#488 Using your pants as a towel

Swipe your dripping paws on those handy leg towels and let’s get back to business, baby. AWESOME!       — Check out my Youtube channel — The post #488 Using your pants as a towel appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#489 Watching the sports highlights of the game you literally just finished watching Jun05

#489 Watching the sports highlights of the game you literally just finished watching

Couch potatoes of the world, hear my call. We all know it’s great capping off three crumb-covered hours on the sofa by watching the highlights of the game you just watched. Yes, you lasted through all the timeouts, challenges, and pitching changes, so now’s your chance to relive...

#490 Driving around with all the car windows down on warm summer nights Jun04

#490 Driving around with all the car windows down on warm summer nights

Kids cruise on wobbly bikes, toddlers race on tipsy trikes, and you drift deep into the hot summer night. Swerve and curve on windy roads as darkness slowly falls and stars pop out to reveal a twinkly twilight glow. As you hit the gas and drop your windows the warm beating rush of summer air...

#491 The Party Save aka The Party Rescue Jun03

#491 The Party Save aka The Party Rescue

The Party Save happens anytime a friend yanks you from a bad party conversation by pulling off a thrilling and daring rescue mission. Here’s how it all goes down: Step 1:  The Plan. Say tonight you’re heading to a housewarming, office Christmas party, or New Year’s bash. As...

#492 The first text message between brand new friends May31

#492 The first text message between brand new friends

“Alright, have a great weekend, see you Monday.” “Yup, you too… hey wait, what are you up to tonight, anyway?” “Oh, not much, really. Maybe heading into the city with friends.” “Cool, we’ll be down there too. Thinking dinner, maybe...

#493 When that giant zit growing on your forehead suddenly just disappears May30

#493 When that giant zit growing on your forehead suddenly just disappears

Acne is not our friend. Blackheads multiply, whiteheads spread, and pimples pop up before prom, people. Yes, our silky smooth skin gets junked up with oily messes as we’re straightening ties and squeezing into prom dresses. Baby, whether you’re rocking Forehead Volcanos, The...

#494 Chopping your sandwich into triangles May29

#494 Chopping your sandwich into triangles

Welcome back to Childhood. Gooey grilled cheese drips and oozes onto heavy ceramic dishes lying on wobbly kitchen tables. Dusty sunlight beams down on the dog as you sit with your brother on Saturday afternoon beside the whirring fridge with rainbow letter magnets in front of the pea green...

#495 When it all suddenly just clicks May28

#495 When it all suddenly just clicks

I was bad at Kindergarten. Yes, growing up a small, frightened, sheltered kid meant my daily drip to Grade 0 was the same as blasting me to the moon for six hours a day. I was helpless and alone, down on my own, in a cold and distant unknown. Honestly, I was so shy I didn’t talk to...

#496 Seeing terrible weather on TV somewhere else May27

#496 Seeing terrible weather on TV somewhere else

Now, we certainly don’t wish trouble on our neighbors around the world. It’s just that when we see rain filling up roads, snowdrifts burying mailboxes, and giant hailstones peppering people’s Preludes, there’s just one big thought that flashes through our brains and...

#497 That moment right after the show ends and just before the applause begins May24

#497 That moment right after the show ends and just before the applause begins

Fat ladies hit the high note, trumpets blast in the pit band, and stage hands yank the curtains closed in that big booming finish at the end of the show. Yes, the guitarist slashes the final chord as that closing climax spirals up and up and up before just so suddenly … stopping. Then...

May23

#498 Those long comfortable silences between really close friends

. . . . . . . .. . … . “Mm, want the air conditioning on or anything?” “No, no, I’m good…” .. .. . .. . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AWESOME! — Follow me on Twitter —   The post #498 Those long...

#499 When you realize you didn’t get a parking ticket but should have May22

#499 When you realize you didn’t get a parking ticket but should have

Well, well, well. Look at you living life in the fire lane. Yes, you came, you parked, you went over time, and you know it. Now you’re scrambling out of the laundromat with a teetery stack of folded towels, racing out of the barber shop with a a freshly shorn neck, or running out of the...

#500 Finally making it halfway May21

#500 Finally making it halfway

Maybe you’re running on the treadmill when you catch the clock tick past the middle of your sweaty jog. Maybe you’re reading late at night and notice you’re on the middle page where the left and right sides form one big rectangle of paper. Or maybe you’re on a long...

#501 Correctly picking the fastest moving line at the grocery store May20

#501 Correctly picking the fastest moving line at the grocery store

You can do it. Motor around filling your basket with food before spying the checkouts and picking your poison. Here’s five tips for living life in the fast lane: 5. Skip your greens. Keep away from shopping carts full of strange produce. Anyone with little bags of cilantro or parsley is...

#502 Fully justifying whatever horrible thing you’re eating May17

#502 Fully justifying whatever horrible thing you’re eating

Let the grease glisten, mayo drip, and soda fizz. Here are three ways to make the magic happen: 1. Veggie Validation. My friend Mike is king of this hilarious move. “Gotta get my greens,” he’ll say, while chomping dill pickles on the couch playing video games. “Carrots...

#503 Walking into class and seeing that it’s a substitute teacher May16

#503 Walking into class and seeing that it’s a substitute teacher

Postpone the pop quiz, torpedo that test, and forget about a tough math lesson today. No, now’s the time when energy bolts blast through brains as everybody revs up for forty-five minutes of whispering, passing notes, and tossing paper airplanes. AWESOME!   Photo from: here —...

#504 Acrobatic snoozing moves May15

#504 Acrobatic snoozing moves

Everybody loves a good snooze. That’s where you groggily dive back into the sleepy underworld for a few more minutes of lazy-boned bliss before waking up to get your day on. It’s even better when you tap the snooze button with a bit of acrobatic showmanship that keeps you dreaming...

#505 The last few hours before the weekend May14

#505 The last few hours before the weekend

This is known as The Funrise. Chatty buzz fills office cubicles, laughs echo down high school halls, and the clock ticks a little bit faster as we all smile and get ready for a couple big days of AWESOME! Photos from: here   — Follow me on Facebook — — Email message...

#506 When the person you’re meeting shows up even later than you May13

#506 When the person you’re meeting shows up even later than you

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. You’re late. Racing, running, rushing, you’re checking your watch and picturing your friend tapping their foot and rolling their eyes while waiting for you. That’s why it’s great when you arrive hot, sweaty, and breathless just before they...

#507 Riding on someone’s shoulders May10

#507 Riding on someone’s shoulders

Blast off. Getting a six-foot liftoff when you’re two feet tall shoots you straight into the stratosphere. Suddenly you’re riding your own personal human in a bumpy living room safari in the clouds. Your diaper-padded ass bounces safely on sturdy shoulders as you giggle and grab...

#508 Dropping your phone on the sidewalk but then realizing it’s totally fine May09

#508 Dropping your phone on the sidewalk but then realizing it’s totally fine

It’s a terrible scene. As that cell phone, digital camera, or pair of sunglasses crash lands on the concrete everyone gasps as it crunches, bounces, and skids hard… Suddenly your eyes blur, stomach twists, and world flips as you fade back and suddenly realize you’re covered...

#509 Riding your bike really late at night when the streets are totally empty May08

#509 Riding your bike really late at night when the streets are totally empty

Now’s your time. As the sun dips down and the twilight fades to darkness there’s nothing sweeter than wheeling your bike out of the garage for a late summer night cruise. Those freewheeling adventures are great for a few reasons: • The sound of silence. Hello darkness, my old...

#510 Hanging with mom May07

#510 Hanging with mom

My mom and I saw a movie the other night. I zoomed up the highway from my downtown apartment and she got a lift through the quiet sidestreets of my hometown. She had a big smile when I got there and was waiting in the lobby wearing lipstick and a cream cable knit sweater. She had the tickets...

#511 The moment on vacation where you completely forget what day of the week it is May06

#511 The moment on vacation where you completely forget what day of the week it is

Let’s see here. Saturday we got here. Sunday we did nothing. Then after that we did nothing. The next day we did nothing. And we’re doing nothing now. AWESOME!   Photo from: here — Check out my Youtube channel — The post #511 The moment on vacation where you...

#512 That really nice guy who stops to help you parallel park May03

#512 That really nice guy who stops to help you parallel park

I suck at parallel parking. Honestly, just look at me out there: tire-scraping, curb-bumping, seven-point turning in the middle of the busy downtown street. Yes, that’s why I always breathe a massive sigh of relief when someone stops by to lend me a hand: 1. Airport Crew Chief. Strap a...

#513 Peeling that weird sticky glue off the back of your new credit card May02

#513 Peeling that weird sticky glue off the back of your new credit card

Peel the pleasure. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Smooth Roller who uses your finger to slowly wheel the sticky icky into a little jelly roll or a Stretch Inspector who grabs a glue corner and yanks it further and further until it eventually snaps. Nope, doesn’t matter at...

#514 Seeing a license plate from somewhere really, really far away May01

#514 Seeing a license plate from somewhere really, really far away

Every plate has a story. Maybe it’s a cab of college kids on an endless summer road trip. Beef jerky wrappers, stained T-shirts, and a sweaty cooler fill the backseat of the rusty Volvo as they cruise cross country to soak in some sunny freedom before school starts. You see them laughing...

#515 Nailing that perfect move in a board game to create destruction or victory Apr30

#515 Nailing that perfect move in a board game to create destruction or victory

I’m terrible at board games. Look at me: trying to roll doubles to bust outta jail, putting down bill or door on a no-word score, and frantically stabbing my pencil at my scribbly drawing over and over while the hourglass sand drips down. You see, this why I love those rare moments when...