#572 Mastering a new keyboard shortcut Feb08

#572 Mastering a new keyboard shortcut

The other day my friend Gillian was telling us about the first time her mom used a computer. It was a long time ago, back, back, way back, and the story goes that the whole family was unpacking their new heavy, chunky PC in the middle of the living room. Styrofoam was cracked apart, boxes were...

#573 That one person who actually laughs when you tell a really bad joke Feb07

#573 That one person who actually laughs when you tell a really bad joke

This is also known as The Pity Laugh and it somehow manages to save your terrible joke from being a complete bomb. See, now you didn’t serve up a dud that hit dead air. No, no, your humor is just a little high brow and hard to understand, that’s all. AWESOME! Photo from:...

#574 Nudging the shower temperature a little bit hotter and then a little bit hotter Feb06

#574 Nudging the shower temperature a little bit hotter and then a little bit hotter

If your body starts getting used to that hot water it’s time to crank up the heat to keep the steam coming. Or if you’re in a race against the tank just turn that dial without mercy and get ready to lean back, relax, and sweat it all out. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check...

#575 When the guy with a full cart of groceries lets you go first because you’re only buying one thing Feb05

#575 When the guy with a full cart of groceries lets you go first because you’re only buying one thi...

There you are holding a dozen eggs behind a guy slow-rolling a fat shopping cart stuffed with frozen pizzas, cases of soda, and piles of produce in plastic bags. But just as your eyes start skimming the tabloid headlines and you steady yourself for a long wait, he peeks back and notices your...

#576 Appreciating all your scars and scratches Feb04

#576 Appreciating all your scars and scratches

My friend Joey got his face ripped off last week. Yeah, while staring at his cheek in the mirror a few months back he noticed a a small rubbery bump below the surface of his skin. Few months, few phone calls, few appointments later he found himself under the knife in a five-hour surgery...

#577 Looking at the clock and noticing that it’s 12:34 Feb01

#577 Looking at the clock and noticing that it’s 12:34

When this happens it’s like your day is winking at you. It sort of feels like all the mysteries of the world are about to unfold before your eyes as the universe puts up its hand and says “Hey, stop for a second!” Also applies to 11:11. AWESOME! Photo from: here —...

#578 Correctly guessing the actor voicing the animated cartoon character Jan31

#578 Correctly guessing the actor voicing the animated cartoon character

Everybody loves cartoons. Ain’t it fun cuddling up under the blanket or plopping down on the plushy seats and getting absorbed in the tall tales about lost clown fish, tough-talking great white sharks, or Parisian sewer rats with dreams of becoming five-star chefs? Yes, after the movie...

#579 Eating the ice cream stuck to the ice cream lid Jan30

#579 Eating the ice cream stuck to the ice cream lid

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. Yes, in terms of Kitchen Anticipation not much compares with yanking out a steaming, freeze-chilled carton of cold n’ creamy from the back of the freezer. Bowls hit the table, spoons clink on the countertop, and the carton starts...

#580 Finding that massive chopped off fingernail that flew across the room before anyone else does Jan29

#580 Finding that massive chopped off fingernail that flew across the room before anyone else does

Stepping on someone else’s sharp, jabby toenail shard is a painful and disgusting moment. Basically, it has the same creep-out factor as poking a dead bee laying in your windowsill or accidentally crushing a hollow, dusty skull on your tour through the catacombs. Now, on the other hand,...

#581 Looking at all the hair shards on the floor after getting a haircut Jan28

#581 Looking at all the hair shards on the floor after getting a haircut

It’s just so satisfying to look down at the clumps of hair shards covering the floor of the salon and think to yourself “That just came off of me!” Of course, the runner up to this feeling is when you notice a big hair haystack clinging for dear life onto your slippery nylon...

#582 When the guy at the deli counter gives you a free sample Jan25

#582 When the guy at the deli counter gives you a free sample

Walk into a grocery store and you’re surrounded by freshly misted lettuce, bubbling lobster tanks, and hot croissants rolling out of the oven. With your pupils dilated and mouth watering, there’s nothing finer than rolling your crookedy-wheel cart by the deli counter and making...

#583 Drawing on steamy mirrors Jan24

#583 Drawing on steamy mirrors

Peel back that mildewy curtain and let’s get down to business. Freshly soaped and squeaky clean your wet n’ steamy self towels dry and rolls on some Stink-B-Gone deodorant. But just before you pop from the hot steamroom into the goosebumpy hallway, it’s time to stop for a...

#584 That one email address you use for all your spam Jan23

#584 That one email address you use for all your spam

Sorry, you need my email address? Sure, no problem open house real estate agent, clothing store mailing list, or random membership-required website. Hit me up at idontcheckthisaccount @sorryaboutthat.com AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #584 That one...

#585 Figuring out the plot twist just before they tell you what it is Jan22

#585 Figuring out the plot twist just before they tell you what it is

Because at that moment you go from a greasy slack-jawed popcorn-kernel-n-sweatpants covered couch potato to a fast-talking screenwriter with sharp eyes, a whizzing mind, and a backup second career. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Facebook page — The post #585 Figuring out...

#586 That one really old guy in the grocery store who knows exactly where everything is Jan21

#586 That one really old guy in the grocery store who knows exactly where everything is

Diced tomatoes? Sure, Aisle 6, three quarters of the way back, two shelves below the kidney beans. They’re on sale this week. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my new memoir How To Get Back Up — The post #586 That one really old guy in the grocery store who knows exactly...

#587 Taking your ponytail out at the end of a long day Jan18

#587 Taking your ponytail out at the end of a long day

Okay, you know how good it feels when you peel your socks off at the end of the day? You know how your crinkly leg hairs all get a chance to relax, stretch out, and breathe a sigh of relief? Well, taking out your ponytail is like that times a million. All your hair unbends and finally points...

#588 Tossing garbage in the garbage can from really far away Jan17

#588 Tossing garbage in the garbage can from really far away

If your bad back, busted ankle, or bum knee is keeping you off the courts, then get ready to lean back in your desk chair and reminisce about the game you loved… Just crumple that hot inky sheet yanked from the photocopier’s paper-jammed bowels, swivel your desk chair sideways, and...

#589 Making that first foot print in fresh snow Jan16

#589 Making that first foot print in fresh snow

Peek outside on a snowy afternoon and the world moves in slow motion. Jumbo flakes float to the ground and coat your cracked sidewalks and patchy lawns in a thin blanket of bright white. Winds whisper through the willows as you strap your boots on and bundle up to head outside. Making those...

#590 Wearing a sweatshirt from the store that hasn’t been washed yet Jan15

#590 Wearing a sweatshirt from the store that hasn’t been washed yet

Feel that fuzz. Yes, when you toss on a brand new sweatshirt just smile and enjoy the smooth silky softness rubbing against your skin. There are no lint balls, fraying sleeves, or crinkled tags scratching at your neck. It’s just the cottony soft freshness of a brand new friend. Of...

#591 Sitting on your perfectly made bed and admiring your work after cleaning your room Jan14

#591 Sitting on your perfectly made bed and admiring your work after cleaning your room

Once again your room is at the top of its game. No more tripping on crumpled jeans flowers on your way to the light switch. No more grabbing random sweaters off your desk only to notice streaky mustard stains later in the day. Nope, no more dust bunnies, no more dried-out pudding cups, and no...

#592 Your mom’s homemade scrambled eggs Jan13

#592 Your mom’s homemade scrambled eggs

Everyone’s mom’s are a little bit different. But your mom’s are the best. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #592 Your mom’s homemade scrambled eggs appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#593 Laughing at somebody else’s drivers license photo Jan12

#593 Laughing at somebody else’s drivers license photo

If your friend’s paying for lunch and you accidentally make eye contact with the shiny, mullet-draped face staring at you from her wallet, then it’s time to laugh and peel out your pimply, glasses-covered driver’s license photo as payment. AWESOME! Photo from: here —...

#594 When your windshield wipers match the beats of the song you’re listening to Jan11

#594 When your windshield wipers match the beats of the song you’re listening to

Cruising home from a friend’s place, driving the kids to school, rolling home on the highway, you smile softly and focus on the road as your head bops to the stereo. Suddenly clouds cover the sky, the air gets heavy, and big drops start pitter-pattering your windshield. Snare drum...

#595 On tap anything Jan10

#595 On tap anything

Once upon a time my friend Chad went to college. Now, Chad likes to tell people what made him decide to go to school and the reasons why he traded in a job at Best Buy for a few hard years of hitting the books. See, on a whim one weekend Chad packed his trunk and cruised down the highway to...

#596 Driving on the highway late at night when the roads are totally empty Jan09

#596 Driving on the highway late at night when the roads are totally empty

Because you feel like you own the place. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Youtube channel — The post #596 Driving on the highway late at night when the roads are totally empty appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#597 When a cop drives behind you for a while and then finally passes you Jan08

#597 When a cop drives behind you for a while and then finally passes you

Cruising cops cause traffic stops. Yes indeedy, the rest of us law-aspiring citizens immediately slow to a speed limit cruise when we spot cops silently swerving behind our bumpers. We’re the jittery school of fish with jumpy eyes and they’re the silent shark swimming over to our...

#598 Sniffing your armpits when no one’s looking and realizing you don’t stink Jan07

#598 Sniffing your armpits when no one’s looking and realizing you don’t stink

Nobody’s gonna tell you you stink. Honestly, the much-needed finger-pointing, nose-pinching tipoff is harder to spot than an albino Bigfoot. See, there are limits to the amount of quiet social tips we’re willing to toss out there. When your tag’s hanging out the back of your...

#599 Walking around completely naked when you’re home alone Jan06

#599 Walking around completely naked when you’re home alone

You are charged with one count of checking yourself out in the mirror, two counts of irresponsible couch usage, four counts of shower-to-bedroom carpet drippage, and seventeen counts of temporary nudity of the first degree. How do you plead? AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on...

#600 Walking on cool grass with bare feet Jan05

#600 Walking on cool grass with bare feet

Good grass is hard to find. Yes, if you’ve paid a visit to your local playground or backyard recently, you know those fresh, clean, silky smooth greens are a rare breed. Broken glass, dog doo, and crumpled fast food bags can coat the shaggy green carpets around your home. It’s...

#601 When guests visiting you help move something really heavy Jan04

#601 When guests visiting you help move something really heavy

Hey man, thanks for coming over. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, uh, don’t take off your shoes for a second. Listen, I’ve got this desk, and I sorta really need to get it out to the garage. Could you, I mean, it’ll only take a second. (sheepish grin) AWESOME! Photo from: here The...