#402 Perfectly stapling through a stack of really thick papers Oct04

#402 Perfectly stapling through a stack of really thick papers

It’s just you and me, Swingline. Sure, we’ve tangled before: Your jagged, splintery arms stabbed sharply back through the top of my book report, you mangled your neck on a powerful hammer-punch, and you didn’t make it through a few fat stacks, forcing me to surgically...

#403 Seeing a really, really happy dog out for a walk Oct03

#403 Seeing a really, really happy dog out for a walk

I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M OUTSIDE! I’M...

#404 When someone’s leaving the bathroom at the same time as you so you don’t have to touch the door Oct02

#404 When someone’s leaving the bathroom at the same time as you so you don’t have to touch the door...

Germs are real. Tiny baby bugs, squiggly creepy-crawlers, and mini-millipedes are camping under your nails, hot-tubbing in your sweaty palms, and putting their feet up in your fingers. Coughs and colds jump hand to hand and mouth to mouth — latching onto you through handshakes, high...

#405 When someone pronounces your hard-to-pronounce name right on the first try Oct01

#405 When someone pronounces your hard-to-pronounce name right on the first try

It ain’t easy. When I graduated from college they draped us all in slippery black gowns, put square hats on our heads, and sat us down in the hot steamy arena to wait patiently for our names to get called. When they did we got up and swished across the stage to accept little ribbon-tied...

#406 Being your gloriously slobby self in a hotel room Sep30

#406 Being your gloriously slobby self in a hotel room

We’re still animals. Sure, our species has grown up and grown older over the past couple hundred thousand years. We’ve moved out of the jungle and shed most of our body hair, keeping warm with sweatpants and hoodies instead of hairy legs and bushy beards. But we’re still animals. We...

#407 Successfully pulling off The Inlaw Nap Sep27

#407 Successfully pulling off The Inlaw Nap

The Inlaw Nap is any nap you manage to pull off at the inlaw’s house. As long as it’s not during Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas present unwrapping, or while the birthday cake is served, it is a completely legal nap and fully counts as spending quality time visiting the...

#408 Dinosaurs (Earth’s former rulers) Sep26

#408 Dinosaurs (Earth’s former rulers)

They ruled Earth for millions of years. With brains the size of peanuts. And tiny, hilarious arms. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Instagram — The post #408 Dinosaurs (Earth’s former rulers) appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#409 Little kids who dress themselves Sep25

#409 Little kids who dress themselves

It’s the little girl wearing a tutu on the downtown street. It’s the boy in the Superman outfit at McDonald’s. It’s big rainboots on sunny days, mom’s lipstick smeared across faces, and big bright mismatched costumes. There’s just something so pure and...

#410 When you can actually eat the thing your food is served in Sep24

#410 When you can actually eat the thing your food is served in

Let’s get tasty. Save yourself some work, save yourself some time, and let’s gobble up the dishes our food’s packed up in: • Ice cream cones. Bubble gum ice cream from Baskin Robbins was a staple of my childhood and I’d always get it in a cup to save the chalky pink...

#411 When your broken computer magically heals itself Sep23

#411 When your broken computer magically heals itself

SYSTEM ERROR. Sometimes your buzzing box of lights and wires crashes a bad crash and completely stops working. So you reboot, unplug everything, plug everything back in, unplug everything again, plug everything back in again, and finally call in backups in the form of teenage kids or nerdy...

#412 The feeling of the air right before a thunderstorm Sep20

#412 The feeling of the air right before a thunderstorm

Warm wind whips and whistles down the streets sending cigarette butts, crumpled receipts, and dry leaves swirling in all directions.  Specks of dust glow in deep sunbeam tints as dark clouds shuffle in the sky. There’s a warm and wet sense of electric anticipation as lightning bolts...

#413 Trying on all your new clothes right when you get home from buying them Sep19

#413 Trying on all your new clothes right when you get home from buying them

Stiff creases, unhemmed pants, and itchy tags can’t dent your mood. Now it’s time to change real fast, clear the kitchen runway, and strut your stuff in a private fashion show for your friends, family, and dog. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my podcast 3 Books...

#414 When you’re driving home after a long trip and your radio stations back come back Sep18

#414 When you’re driving home after a long trip and your radio stations back come back

Fade to fuzz. It’s always a sad scene when you’re bumping down the highway and your old faves start fritzing out on the radio. Yes, you wince as songs start missing notes and DJs start garbling the weather…. before eventually just dissolving into the distance. Staring back...

#415 The moment when you’re not the new guy anymore Sep17

#415 The moment when you’re not the new guy anymore

The first day was scary. When you opened the door everything was a giant swirling abyss of new teachers, new faces, new rules, and new places. So you tiptoed in smiling and shaking hands, learning passwords and policies, and staring around the busy cafeteria holding a red plastic tray trying...

#416 When you try cooking something new and somehow everyone likes it Sep16

#416 When you try cooking something new and somehow everyone likes it

I blew it last week. A friend came over after work for that homemade meal I’d been promising her. Since my standard dinner lately has been a plate of nachos and a couple spoons of Nutella I figured it was high time to cook a proper meal. It started well: I snagged a fancy pasta recipe...

#417 The sound of water lapping against a dock on a summer night Sep13

#417 The sound of water lapping against a dock on a summer night

It sounds like the warm and windy start of summer. It sounds like the cool and quiet finish to fall. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Facebook — The post #417 The sound of water lapping against a dock on a summer night appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#418 Carrying the ice cube tray you just filled up all the way back to the freezer without spilling anything Sep12

#418 Carrying the ice cube tray you just filled up all the way back to the freezer without spilling ...

Say goodbye kitchen puddles, wet socks, and half-filled cubes. Say hello to AWESOME! Photo from: here The post #418 Carrying the ice cube tray you just filled up all the way back to the freezer without spilling anything appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#419 Correctly guessing if that terribly designed door is push or pull Sep11

#419 Correctly guessing if that terribly designed door is push or pull

Doors can be trouble. Strutting to the mall, strolling to the store, you spy those glassy doubles in the distance just waiting for you to size them up and give them a big push or pull. Sure, it looks easy, but we all know it’s nothing but. Nope, thanks to years of tense negotiations,...

#420 Using some random thing as some random back scratcher Sep10

#420 Using some random thing as some random back scratcher

The middle of your back is no hands land. Those itchy islands off the coast of Spine Beach see a lot of shade and a lot of showers but not much scratchy, scratchy fingernail loving. When you’re itching hard you might try the ol’ Reverse Angle Elbow Bender a couple times before...

#421 Singing the guitar solo (or drum solo) (or piano solo) Sep09

#421 Singing the guitar solo (or drum solo) (or piano solo)

Never stop wailing. When you’re singing along with the lyrics of a song and a guitar solo starts up make sure you keep onnnnnn going. We can’t have dead air in your steamy morning shower or all the fans will just hear the sound of you soaping up your armpits and blowing your nose....

#422 Hanging in there and hanging on Sep06

#422 Hanging in there and hanging on

We’re all pretty much the same. Packed tightly in our skintight skin is a bumpy clump of slippery organs and brittle bones. Yes, you’re a pile of bones, I’m a bucket of blood, you’re a slab of muscle, I’m a chunk of chub. And no matter what we got squeezing...

#423 When the foul ball at the baseball game is flying right at you Sep05

#423 When the foul ball at the baseball game is flying right at you

And here’s the pitch. The bat cracks and the ball smacks high into the twilight sky. Eyeballs pop, voices cry, and the crowd rises as the ball dives down to the stands. Popcorn is dropped, gloves are smacked, and heartbeats thump as it rushes towards our seats. AWESOME! Photo from:...

#424 The Official Boat Waving Policy Sep04

#424 The Official Boat Waving Policy

These are the rules of the sea. If you’re on a boat you must wave to anyone who waves at you from another boat, you must wave to anyone who waves at you from land, and you must initiate waving to as many other boats as possible. The only way you can avoid these rules is if you’re a...

#425 When you’re merging into traffic on the highway and there’s absolutely no traffic to merge into Sep03

#425 When you’re merging into traffic on the highway and there’s absolutely no traffic to merge into...

Forget speeding up, forget slowing down, forget twisting your neck in twelve different directions. Nope, now’s your chance to calmly merge without any worries and enjoy a smooth and relaxing drive home. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Check out my Youtube channel — The post #425...

#426 Actually managing to rip off a square of plastic wrap that doesn’t get stuck to itself Sep02

#426 Actually managing to rip off a square of plastic wrap that doesn’t get stuck to itself

Plastic wrap is trouble. When you’re peeling a new sheet from the flimsy cardboard box I’ve got just two words for you: watch out. We both know that plastic wrap loves blowing in the wind and get all stuck to its bad self. Next thing you know you’re trying to frantically...

#427 Blaming that horrible fart on the dog Aug30

#427 Blaming that horrible fart on the dog

Thanks for taking the fall, little guy. AWESOME! Photo from: here — Follow me on Twitter — The post #427 Blaming that horrible fart on the dog appeared first on 1000 Awesome...

#428 Seeing your reflection as you walk by a store window and liking what you see Aug29

#428 Seeing your reflection as you walk by a store window and liking what you see

Thanks, surprise full-length mirror. Without stopping our struts we’re able to sneak secret glances in your silvery buildings, glossy storefronts, or silent lakes. We stare superfast so strangers don’t think we’re mistaking the sidewalk for a runway. Of course, we manage to...

#429 Teeny tiny baby toes Aug28

#429 Teeny tiny baby toes

We took a trip last weekend. My friends Mike and Jes had a baby so we jumped in a car and headed down the highway to visit the three-month old pile of diapers, flab, and giggly charm. She was a stunner, too — cute and cuddly, silent and smiling, she was passed around like a hot potato...

#430 Eating completely ridiculous things for breakfast Aug27

#430 Eating completely ridiculous things for breakfast

Cold pizza is just the beginning. Now, make no mistake here: breakfast has a lot going for it already. Yeah, we’re talking fresh brewed coffee, sizzling bacon, and hot, fluffy pancakes. Nothing wrong with waking up groggy and heating up the dirty frying pan, flipping down the toaster, or...

#431 When those flowers that look totally fake turn out to be real Aug26

#431 When those flowers that look totally fake turn out to be real

Can you spot a fake? While flipping magazines at the dentist office or sitting casually at a restaurant table I’ll mindlessly start staring at the flower bouquet and start wondering if they’re real. I always think they’re fake at first but then my eyebrows furrow and I stare...